6 Things Every Latter-day Saint Should Have On Their Dating List.

6 Things Every Latter-day Saint Should Have On Their Dating List.

Everyone has a dating list of things they are looking for. Some lists are good, some are awful. I have talked with girls who have admitted they’d turn down a good guy if he was shorter than they are. Or if he was not a pre-med student. And I have met guys who would never date a girl if she was not unhealthily skinny. Or if she was not an RM. Instead of focusing on what you should NOT include in your lists I want to focus on 6 things every Latter-day Saint should have on their dating list.

*It is important to remember that these attributes and characteristics are developed over time. Do not be unrealistic and expect someone who is perfect in all of these things. Instead look for someone who exhibits them, strives for them, and works towards them.

“I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife.”
~Elder Richard G. Scott

1st. Someone Who Is Loyal To God.

This one is huge. Most people think that they need to put their spouse first, but God really needs to be number one. This will ground them to their core principles of honesty, faith, sacrifice, forgiveness, and most of all their commitment to keeping their promises. You not only need to find someone who puts God first but also someone who will not begrudge you for putting God ahead of them. In all things, our covenants to God must come first.

Ask yourself, if I was to die, would they raise my family in the faith? A big secret in successful marriages is something called the marriage triangle, God is at the top and husband and wife are at the bottom corners. As a husband and wife draw closer to God they actually draw closer to their spouse.

The Marriage Triangle

Happy couples put God first. But after God, your spouse should be a solid #2.  No one and nothing else, other than God, should come before your spouse. Too many Millennial’s are selfish, they put themselves before others, and even before God. This attitude will destroy any relationship. Lasting marriages have men and women who have put God first, but their spouse in front of themselves. They forgive each other, they serve, love, and desire to make their spouse feel happy and loved. So when you find the one who puts God first and you second, you’ve found the right one.

“Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril.”
~Jeffrey R. Holland.

2nd. Someone Who Wants To Marry In The Temple.

Growing up I remember singing about eternal families, we would sing “families can be together forever.” The key word being can.

The first step in forging an eternal family is marrying someone in the temple. Therefore it is imperative that you maintain your worthiness to attend the temple and go as often as circumstances allow. If you do not have a recommend now, talk with your bishop. Set a goal to get married in the temple and don’t compromise what you really want for what you might want in the moment.

Date those who also want to be married in the temple. Satan will tempt you to date those who can not marry marry you in the temple. To do so is to play with fire. Yes, you might be able to get sealed in the temple later. But if you willfully marry outside of the temple you are gambling with your exaltation; as exaltation is a reward for keeping your temple marriage covenant. It is better to date for a longer period of time so that both people can be worthy and the marriage can take place in the temple.

If you are worthy of a temple marriage and do NOT have the chance to marry in the temple in this life God will provide an opportunity in the millennium. No blessing will be denied you because of a lack of opportunity! But you can deny yourself these blessings by not marrying in the temple, or by not keeping your temple covenants. So keep yourself worthy of a temple marriage, and don’t settle for less.

“don’t trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple. Make a decision now that this is the place where you will marry.”

Ezra Taft Benson

3rd. Someone Who Loves You For Who You Are.

Your future spouse should inspire you to be more than you are. But they should be completely in love with you as you are. Not a future you that has lost those 15 lbs, not you without your nerdism, but the you that you are currently. One of the biggest mistakes single people make is thinking that they need change the elusive ‘something’ to find the right one. I can’t tell you how many guys go to the gym to get a body to find a girl.

Your future spouse will love you, all of you! No stipulations. Yes, they should inspire you to be better a better person, but they will never require it. They will accept and love you with all of your quirks. They will love you for who you are, right now. Their love is not based on how you look, but who you are. They will love you as you grow and change over time. When you have found someone who loves you like that, you’ve found the one.

“Choose your love; love your choice.”
Thomas S. Monson

4th. Someone Who Has Work Ethic.

If you think the journey of dating is difficult, it is nothing compared to the rapids of marriage. Making a marriage work takes…WORK. If you marry a quitter there is a good chance when times get hard they will quit. Some signs of someone who has a healthy physical, emotional, and spiritual work ethic are things like: How are their finances? Are they going to school or working? How do they approach callings? And how well they maintain their physical body.

For men, it is vitally important that a man is willing to sacrifice to provide. Is he sacrificing to further his value in the workplace with either a university education or a vocational training? Is he learning the skills necessary to be a father? How much debt does he have? Does he do household chores without complaining? The dishes? taking out the trash? One of the greatest litmus tests of a man’s work ethic and is this simple question: Is he actively and cheerfully building The Kingdom by home teaching and honoring the priesthood?

For women, are they furthering their education? Are they currently preparing to be a mother and homemaker?  Are they learning the basic skills of running a family? Budgeting? Cooking? It is a fallacy to think that being a homemaker is simple or easy, it requires more than most jobs. What about her skills and talents? Is she developing them? Does she sing or play an instrument? Is she learning new skills? Similar to men, the most important aspect of her work ethic is manifested by her efforts to actively building The Kingdom by doing her visiting teaching and magnifying her callings.

Also ask yourself about their emotional work ethic, when things get hard or stressful do they shutdown and quit? Or do they buckle down and work through the hard times? When they get sick how do they react? These are just a few of the questions to ask about their physical, spiritual, and emotional work ethic.

“Work is to be re-enthroned as the ruling principle of the lives of our Church membership.”
Heber J. Grant

5th. Someone Who Is Respectful.

In dating, often people put their best foot forward. How they treat you while trying to court you will be the best they ever act. So if the man is not opening doors or the lady is dishonest, you must realize this is the best it will get. In the same sense, you can not base the genuineness of their chivalry in how they treat you alone. For they are trying to impress you. Instead look at how they treat those with whom they have nothing to gain by impressing.

Since someone is then usually on their best behavior during the date this is why it’s important to get to know them on a more personal level. So you can see them react with their family and roommates. Ask yourself, are they respectful to their family? Mother? Father? How about children? How do they treat people with special needs? Are they respectful to those whom they previously dated? Or do they slander them? How do they treat their roommates? How do they treat those under them at work, or who serve them at restaurants?

By seeing them in these situations and answering these types of questions you can accurately assess if someone is a gentleman or lady or are merely faking it.

“If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”
Sirius Black

6th. Someone Who Wants To Be A Mother/Father.

President Benson taught that “exaltation is eternal fatherhood and eternal motherhood.” Within that context, it is foolishness to think that there is anything greater in this life than being a mother/father. The very title of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother should lend credence to the exalted station of fatherhood and motherhood. In the heavens, the only people who retain the statuses of father and mother are those who are exalted.

So look for someone who is preparing to be a mother or father. It is easy to get caught up in the trap of looking for the pretty boy or the skinny girl. But look for a woman who is preparing to be a wife rather than a girlfriend. And look for a man who is preparing to be a father rather than a boyfriend.

“There are no greater roles in life for a man than those of husband and father.
Likewise, there are no greater roles for a woman than those of wife and mother.”
Russell M. Nelson

Conclusion.

It is nice and dandy to have a list of things you want to find in someone else, but the great secret is that this should become a list that describes you as well. In the words of an Apostle: “If you want to marry a wholesome, attractive, honest, happy, hardworking, spiritual person, be that kind of person.” Elder Robert D. Hales.