Stop Obsessing About Marriage! An Open Letter To My Single Friends.

Stop Obsessing About Marriage!

An Open Letter To My Single Friends.

 

To those like me, who seek for marriage yet find ourselves single it is hard. Often I hear things like “Don’t worry, you’ll find the one” or “It’s just not time yet, keep trying.” But it becomes extremely discouraging to keep trying when you have little success. In early February, I was told by a girl that she was not ready for a relationship and wanted to stop dating.

I started to wonder, “what did I do wrong? When I realized, I was obsessing about marriage. I wanted to find a wife and start a family so badly that I was scaring away girls. I turned to the Gospel for answers, and I found this quote.

“To you single women and men who wish to be married I say this, Do not give up hope. And do not give up trying. But do give up being obsessed with it. The chances are that if you forget about it and become anxiously engaged in other activities, the prospects will brighten immeasurably.”
~Gordon B. Hinckley

I was obsessing about marriage and I needed to stop, it was hurting my dating life, and affecting my happiness. As I read this quote, I asked myself, “What are these other activities that President Hinckley talks about?  What should I do while I am single and trying to find a spouse?” Here are some things we can do to stay anxiously engaged while not obsessing about marriage.

 

Try Something New. 

 

When you are obsessing about marriage and how others view you, it drains your desire to try new things. For example, my YSA Stake was having its annual skate night at classic skating. I had never skated, and last year I was so afraid of looking like a fool in front of girls that I refused to skate. This year at the behest of my friends I got out of my comfort zone and tried something new, I skated! Did I look awkward? Yes, but I was trying something new, I was living!

So try something it does not matter how big or small it is, if you’ve always wanted to do it, or if you’ve always been afraid there is no time like the present to try something new! Remember, you’re only single once (#yoso) so make the most of it!

 

 

Travel.

 

Take advantage of this time being single. Once you are dating or married you won’t be able to travel as much if at all. So plan a fun road trip, experience the culture around you. If you served a mission, plan a trip back to visit, start saving today.

Travel can provide you with many opportunities to share and live the Gospel. And many culturally refining experiences. It will broaden your understanding of others, and expand your knowledge about their beliefs. I know I am thankful for my road trips, one of my favorite things to do is to visit all the temples along the way as I travel. (So far I’ve gone to 68 temples since I got back from my mission!)

 

Work at the Temple.

 

Working at the Temple is an awesome way to prepare for the next phase of life. It may be years or even decades before you have another chance to work at the Temple, take advantage of this opportunity to learn about, and fall in love with the House of the Lord. Working at the Temple allows you gain a greater understanding of the covenants you have made and prepare for the next covenants.

If you want to work at the temple just tell your Bishop and he can get the ball rolling. And if you have not received your endowments yet then try to go to the temple regularly to do baptisms for the dead. Talk with your bishop to set up a plan for receiving your own endowments so you can work in the Temple.

 

Set Up Holy Habits And Righteous Routines. 

 

Take advantage of the chance you have while you are single to set up what Elder Dallen H Oaks calls “Holy habits and righteous routines.” It will not become easier once you are married.

Holy habits are things like daily scripture study, morning and evening prayer, partaking of the sacrament weekly and regular Temple Worship. Also Habits like Monthly Home/Visiting Teaching, and fulfilling your callings. Holy habits will allow you to tap into the strength and power of The Atonement.

Righteous routines are personal and a lot harder to establish. Take for example establishing a healthy exercise routine; you are the only one that can determine what is a healthy routine for your life. Righteous routines should help you keep your covenants, avoid sin and reach your potential.

For more on this topic see this address by Cecil O. Samuelson gave to LDS Business College.

 

“Consider the reasons we pray and study the scriptures … these holy habits primarily are ways whereby we always remember Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son and are prerequisites to the ongoing companionship of the Holy Ghost.” David A. Bednar

 

 

Set Goals.

 

One of the biggest mistakes I see young single adults make is they stop setting goals, this is especially true with returned missionaries. They fall out of the habit of making goals, and because they stop making goals, they stop progressing.

Make sure your goals are SMART Goals! Click HERE To learn how to set and reach your goals.

“I am so thoroughly convinced that if we don’t set goals in our life and learn how to master the techniques of living to reach our goals, we can reach a ripe old age and look back on our life only to see that we reached but a small part of our full potential. When one learns to master the principles of setting a goal, he will then be able to make a great difference in the results he attains in this life.”

“It is so important that you young men and you young women get all of the education that you can…Education is the key which will unlock the door of opportunity for you. It is worth sacrificing for”
~Gordon B. Hinckley

 

Go On A Mission.

 

Before you say that is cliche let me explain, there are two types of missions.

A Church mission is not right for everyone, the Prophet has said it is the duty of every Priesthood holder and an option for every sister.

 

But there is another type of mission, outside of the church when you tell someone you went on a “mission” they are thinking of a short 1-4 week mission trip to a third-world country.  A trip where you build homes or schools, dig wells or teach English. Basically, it is a humanitarian mission helping people and experiencing the culture. This type of mission trip is an amazing experience!

 

An example is Color My World. Color my world is run by the Hughes family, they are members of the Church in New Hampshire. Color my World is a non-profit that runs humanitarian missions in Nicaragua, Peru, Costa Rica, and the Dominican. People go from 1-6 weeks and build schools, houses, and experience the local culture, and work with the people.

 

“Life does not begin only upon marriage. There are important things for you to do right now.”
~Ezra Taft Benson

 

What do you do to stay anxiously engaged?
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