The four reasons people leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and how to help them come back.

When it comes to people leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is often for one of four main reasons. I want to address the four main reasons, as well as give advice on what we can do to help them come back home.

1st. They slip into inactivity.

The first, and main reason people leave the church, is because they simply slip into inactivity. Because of inconvenience, they fall out of the habit of gospel living. Scripture study, then morning and evening prayers are often the first things to go, and then church attendance soon follows.

Often this slip into inactivity is not the result of a major sin of commission, but rather a collection of sins of omission that they lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost and slowly dull their spiritual sensitivities till they justify sins of commission. Then once sins of commission are committed they feel ashamed that they have done wrong, and Satan tells them the lie that they can’t go back and that repentance won’t work for them.

Helping those who have slipped come back.

This group is the easiest to rescue, as they feel the void in their lives, but they just don’t know how to come back. Often they only need a welcoming friend to invite them to come back, but when they arrive, they need to be welcomed with loving arms and nonjudgemental ward members. They need a friend to guide them, sit next to them, and to minister to them. If the church feels like home, they won’t want to leave again. Help them secure their lives and family within the gospel with callings and fellowship. This group does not go less active when they feel wanted and needed within the church.

2nd. They take offense.

The second main reason people go less active is that they take offense. Now, everyone is going to be mistreated at some point by a member of the church, sometimes it is because we are human and make mistakes, sometimes it is because that person is just not acting Christlike. Either way, offense will come, but the choice to take offense and be offended is ours.

On my mission a bishop suggest that the mother of an overweight girl start doing something to help her, she took so much offense at this comment that she refused to go back, and the entire family went inactive. I could share dozens of stories, everything from innocent remarks that someone took offense at, to stories where Bishops committed crimes and sins and they blamed the church.

Two years ago I had a member from my mission call me, the Bishop had done something super offensive in their eyes, I gave them my two-step formula to not taking offense. I told them, “No matter the reason for the offense understand these two things: First, the church is true despite the members (replace with, whoever has offended you). Second, don’t escort anyone to hell.” The second point startled him, I explained that if someone is sinning and doing something wrong there is no need for us to personally escort them with our families to hell to ensure they arrive there. I then told him, “Let him go to hell, you need to worry about keeping your covenants.”

Helping those who take offense come back.

The way to overcome offense is simple, the one who offended (and is must be the one who offended) needs to ask them for forgiveness and to come home in humility and love. Even if it was not intentionally given.

When the person giving offense asks forgiveness and invites them to come home in sincerity and humility, and not defensiveness, it invites the spirit of reconciliation needed for the rescue to start. The only thing preventing reconciliation is pride, pride often on the part of the offender, who feels justified. I also recommend this talk as it is the best talk on being offended:

3rd. They take issue with church history.

The third reason people leave the church is far less often than the first two, and it is because of church history. History is not pretty. Church history is no exception. One of the most significant issues we make with history is the fallacy called presentism. What is presentism? Presentism is when we look and judge the past based on our modern cultural understanding and expectations. Everyone in history can be twisted into a villain with presentism.

When it comes to mistakes made by former leaders a great quote comes from President Ballard: “Too many people think Church leaders and members should be perfect or nearly perfect. They forget that the Lord’s grace is sufficient to accomplish His work through mortals. Our leaders have the best intentions, but sometimes we make mistakes…Looking for human weakness in others is rather easy. However, we make a serious mistake by noticing only the human nature of one another and then failing to see God’s hand working through those He has called.” M Russell Ballard, Oct 2015, God is at the Helm.

Helping those who take issue with church history come back.

With the first two reasons, it is generally easier to rescue someone, as they still believe the doctrine. But the final two sections are the most dangerous. When someone takes issue with church history or doctrine either they often have been anti’ed and they reject witness and testimonies they already have had and start to demand a sign. If they are no longer willing to walk by faith, all you can do is love them.

If they are still honest with their concerns, then the best quote I ever heard about church history issues actually came from someone who had left the church for doctrinal issues (which I will address in the next section). I will call him Jason (not his real name).

The discussion I was having was with four people; myself, a fully active and believing member; two RM’s, who had taken tons of issues with history; and Jason, who had left the church right before he was going to serve a mission:

The two other RMs were complaining about history when Jason called them out and said, “If the doctrine is true, then the history does not matter.” They were taken back by his comments, but they then retorted, “But what about blacks and the Priesthood, or the changes with the word of wisdom! Or Polygamy!” To which Jason very firmly replied, “If the plan of salvation is true, then those issues don’t matter. And if the plan of salvation is not true, then those issues still don’t matter! “

4th. They take issue with doctrine.

Taking issue with the doctrine is the fourth main reason people leave the church. This group, like the third, is far smaller than the first two, but often they are more vocal and want you to think they are a majority. See, when people leave the church because of doctrine they run into a problem, they know too much. They know and still believe too many restored doctrines to go to another church.

See, there are truths that are unique to the restoration that they know to be true; for example, the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the only Christian church that teaches that all men are literal children of God. The Godhead, Eternal Families, etc etc etc.

These unique truths often cause those who leave the church to be disenfranchised with other Christian churches who teach philosophies of man mingled with scripture. When someone knows they are a child of God, and they go to another church that teaches that we are only children by adoption and that we are really spiritual orphans that Christ took pity on, it is hard to go to that church. Because of this, often those who leave the church because of doctrinal issues take one of two courses:

The first course is they go non-religious.

Realizing that all the other churches just lack the fulfillment they just forgo the church aspect of life. The longer this continues the more of the doctrines they forget, and the more doctrines they forget the more likely they are to finally go to another church. I’ve met members who were born and raised who literally did not remember the basics of the gospel.

The second course is they become antagonists (Anti).

The second option other than going non-religious that members take is apostasy. When they cut out the aspects of their life that are connected with the church, they feel guilt, as they know the truth and are not living it. These members take the truth to be hard, and the only peace the find is by attacking the truth 24/7 trying to convince themselves that their conscience is wrong and that they are not sinning. They become antagonists or Anti-Mormons, they can’t simply leave it alone, for they know it is true, in the words of Elder Glenn L. Pace: “You can leave the Church, but you can’t leave it alone. The basic reason for this is simple. Once someone has received a witness of the Spirit and accepted it, he leaves neutral ground. One loses his testimony only by listening to the promptings of the evil one, and Satan’s goal is not complete when a person leaves the Church, but when he comes out in open rebellion against it.”

Helping those who take issue with church doctrine come back.

Helping those who take issue with doctrine come back is by far the hardest task that we will face in our call to rescue the lost sheep. Because of the two courses they take, the path to rescue is different.

Those who take the course of going non-religious are often still intellectually honest. With this group, I have personally found that often their issues are less with doctrine and more with culture. Simply separating the two causes them to start soul searching. That is what happened with my friend Jason, by the end of our discussion with my two RM buddies he thanked me and told me he had a lot to think about.

For those who have gone down the path of becoming antagonists to the church, your options are very limited. Love them, pray for them, but don’t waste time arguing with them, or trying to convince them. Until they are willing to swallow pride and accept witnesses from the Spirit, rather than signs, they won’t change their ways. Simple stand firm in love and truth, and remember the words of Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin: “To those who have strayed because of doctrinal concerns, we cannot apologize for the truth. We cannot deny doctrine given to us by the Lord Himself. On this principle we cannot compromise.”

It is about what you DO know.

Those who have apostatized want you to think that hundreds of thousands are leaving the church due to doctrine and history, it is simply not true. For everyone saint who denies witnesses from the Holy Ghost and breaks their covenants, there are dozens of converts who feel and act on the witness of the Holy Ghost to be baptized or come back.

Personally, it took me four years of praying, fasting, and study before I gained a witness that the Book of Mormon was real. But I clung to what I did know, and that was Priesthood blessings were real. Whatever your place on the pathway home, rather than focusing on what you don’t know, what you don’t understand, or what others have done, ask yourself, am I living according to what I do know? In the words of Elder Holland:

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