Why Ex-Mormons Can’t Leave The Church Alone.

If you have been a member of the church for any amount of time you have run into an interesting phenomenon; members of the church who leave the church and cannot leave it alone. Now I am not talking about the person who has slipped into inactivity but will still admit they know the church is true. I am talking about those who apostatize from The Church and go on to continually attack it.

Recently I was reading over a Facebook post from one of these Ex-Mormons who is always hating on the Church online and talking about how happy they are now that they left the Church, how it is easier, and how they are now guilt-free. I started discussing it with my wife. She asked me why I think Ex-Mormons can/will not leave the Church alone. I responded it is simple. They know that they are wrong.

Truly happy people do not focus on things that make them unhappy. But when someone is unhappy, they consistently complain, moan, and talk badly in hopes of tearing someone down. Think of those in a healthy and happy relationship. Do they continually take to Facebook or blog about how awful their Ex was? No! They are happy and their focus is the thing that makes them happy.

Members who leave the church know that their actions are wrong. Deep inside they feel guilty that they are denying their witnesses from the Holy Ghost and forsaking Christ and His gospel. That guilt is demoralizing. They are faced with two options, have the integrity to admit they are wrong and repent, or lie to themselves and rationalize their actions.

The Boston Marathon, Lehi’s Vision, and Apostasy within the Church.

I heard a near-perfect analogy when Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin compared living the gospel to running a marathon. (See the video below) I want to take his analogy and apply it to people leaving the Church and running the Boston Marathon:

You have trained for years to even qualify to run (pre-earth life), you have come to Boston (birth), you have started running the race (joined the church), and then you realize how hard running a marathon really is. So, at mile 16, you quit. You realize that quitting is so much easier than running and you start to rationalize that quitting was the smart thing to do. But there is a problem, your brother also prepared, came to Boston, and ran the race, and he did not quit. At first, you are ok with him running and finishing the race but quickly the guilt of being a quitter starts to eat away at you. You start to badmouth running and your brother in hopes of alleviating the guilt and now anger you feel towards running.

Quickly you realize that your old group of friends, who are runners, are not going to buy into your badmouthing of running; so, you gravitate towards other ex-runners who also hate it. Soon you are in an echo chamber, like those in the great and spacious building, you are all reassuring each other that you are right, you keep saying that running is evil, you all talk about how much easier it is to not go running, and only fools would run a marathon. But every time you see a runner it pricks your conscience and triggers guilt from doing what is wrong, shame from your lifestyle, and anger that they dare find joy in running (living the gospel).

Soon it becomes your quest not just to not run, but to get other runners to quit running too. You start to blog, tweet, and Facebook about how awful running is, it becomes all-consuming. Like those scorning the Saints pressing forward in Lehi’s Tree of Life vision, you feed off the apostasy of others. For each runner that you can convince to quit will provide you the momentary satisfaction that you are at least not alone in your misery. The longer this cycle continues the less you remember the joy of running with your brother and friends, till the only memories are jaded memories of everyone being rude, and how awful running felt.

Dealing With the Anti-Mormons

It is important to understand that Anti-Mormons are not honest brokers. They are miserable and they seek that all men might be miserable like unto themselves. Because of this, engaging in dialog with them is not productive and it is actually dangerous as their entire goal is to shake your testimony. You will notice their ‘questions’ are laced not with earnest seeking, but rather with spite and malice towards God’s anointed. It does not matter how many of these ‘questions’ they have answered they are angry and always have another.

They often will engage in Anti-Mormon tactics to try to carefully lead your soul to destruction. I actually wrote an article exposing 8 Anti-Mormon tactics that Satan uses to attack the Latter-day Saint’s; if you see people engaging in one of these tactics it is a red flag! As one who deals with this group of people every day let me say, love them, but do not engage with them. Stand for your faith, but do not debate them on Facebook, do not read their blogs, and do not respond to their comments! You will never convince them that you are right. After all, they are not listening to the Holy Ghost and He is a member of the Godhead!

Running Again.

My favorite part of this analogy is that if you quit running, there is no rule saying you can’t run again. It will take time and effort, but it will be worth it. Just as Christ is always willing and ready to forgive us if we but confess and forsake our sins. Our role is to love people and be there for when they are ready to run again, to frankly and freely forgive them as Christ does. Paul, Alma the Younger, and W.W. Phelps; Church history is full of prodigal son stories.