The Lie About Loving the LGBTQ+ Community That Many Latter-day Saints Are Believing

If your Facebook feed is anything like mine it has become inundated with the rainbow flag and people posting about LGBTQ+ topics. I have seen countless posts both those who advocate for and against the LGBTQ+ lifestyle. The common theme throughout all the posts is everyone claiming they are acting out of love. I have been pondering these posts all month. And while I was running this morning and pondering the Spirit gave me a parable about truly loving our brothers and sisters in the LGBTQ+ community. So, to preface my article, I want to share this parable to set the tone.

The parable of the law student and his friends.

Once there was a young man who desired more than anything to become a lawyer. This was his goal and his dream. This young man told his three friends about his aspirations. He asked them for help achieving his dream. Throughout high school and college, his friends encouraged him and helped him study. When he passed the LSAT to enter law school they celebrated with him that he was nearing his goal.

Finally, the night before he was to take the Bar Exam to officially become a lawyer was here. Seeing that their friend was preparing for the most important step of his goal and that he needed to relax his friends all go out to dinner to celebrate. At the end of dinner, this young man sees other students from his law school they invite him to go out to a bar with them.

His first friend tells him that he deserves to be happy and that they should go. His second friend says that he does not drink but will be the designated driver. The third friend tells him that he should not go. He says that he loves him and that they should not be drinking and staying up late the night before the exam. The young men’s classmates angrily attack the third friend for being so judgmental, not understanding, and unloving; and they leave him behind and go to the bar.

While at the bar, he parties later and later into the night. When he awakes in the morning he has slept through his alarms and the exam doors are already closed. He failed the bar exam. In anguish, he calls his friends to his house and tells them he has failed. He then asks, “When I needed you most, why did you assist in my self-destruction?”

The first friend tells him that he was just trying to love him and make sure he was accepted by his friends. The second friend tells him that he was also trying to love him and did not want to judge him, impede his agency or be too preachy. He then looks at his third friend. His third friend tells him, “I too acted out of love. Love of you. I tried to warn you that your actions were incompatible with your goals… But you and the others scorned me and left me behind. When you left me behind, I went home and knelt down and prayed for you. I have always loved you.”

Which of his friends truly loved him? The first friend encouraged and affirmed his choices, even though he knew what their costs would be. His love was seeking the praise of men, at the cost of his friend. The second friend saw himself as a sophisticated neutral. He was not going to tell him what to do, either way, he did not want to upset anyone. He knew his words could make a difference, but he did not use them. His actions revealed that love of self was his motive. But the third friend raised his voice in an attempt to help him. He loved his friend and refused to give up on him. Even when others scoffed and scorned at him, he continued to love. Robert D. Hales taught, “A true friend will not let us do anything we want. True friends will correct us when we do something wrong and bring us back on the straight and narrow path that leads to exaltation.”

So where do we as Latter-day Saints fall when it comes to the LGBTQ+ topics? Which friend are we like? We too had a pre-mortal life (high school and college) where we prepared for this small moment of mortality (the night before the exam). We knew our brothers and sisters in this pre-mortal life and ALL OF US had the goal of passing the exam. Now here we are the night before the exam. It is the real world. Our ‘friend’ from the story is everyone around us. Are we going to love the praise of social media and man? Are we going to love ourselves and attempt to be a sophisticated neutral? Or are we going to love our brothers and sisters and lovingly live and share the gospel?

“Satan need not get everyone to be like Cain or Judas, though he relishes such dramatic “success.” He needs only to get able men like Pilate or Agrippa to see themselves as sophisticated neutrals.”

Neal A. Maxwell, Deposition of a Disciple (1976), 88.

How doctrine and love are inseparable.

With that parable as the backdrop. We can finally address the topic at hand. Everyone says they are motivated by love. But in reality, true love is inseparable from true doctrine. When we seek to be like the first friend or the second, are our actions really motivated by true love? God is love and God loves us. But he does not tolerate sin. True love draws us to Christ and God. True love embraces and embodies true doctrine. Russell M. Nelson taught, “Real love for the sinner may compel courageous confrontation—not acquiescence! Real love does not support self-destructing behavior.” Regarding loving others correctly, Elder Holland recently at BYU stated: “We have to be careful that love and empathy do not get interpreted as condoning and advocacy, or that orthodoxy and loyalty to principle not be interpreted as unkindness or disloyalty to people. As near as I can tell, Christ never once withheld His love from anyone, but He also never once said to anyone, ‘Because I love you, you are exempt from keeping my commandments.’ We are tasked with trying to strike that same sensitive, demanding balance in our lives.”

As Latter-day Saints, we have restored doctrines that require us to act differently. The doctrines of the gospel teach us how to truly love as God loves. Dallin H. Oaks taught: “Each member of Christ’s church has a clear-cut doctrinal responsibility to show forth love and to extend help and understanding. Sinners, as well as those who are struggling to resist inappropriate feelings, are not people to be cast out but people to be loved and helped. At the same time, Church leaders and members cannot avoid their responsibility to teach correct principles and righteous behavior [on all subjects], even if this causes discomfort to some.”

So, what doctrines compel us to act? And what do they compel us to do? I want to dive into a few doctrines that Latter-day Saints have been forsaking on social media in their attempt to ‘love’ members of the LGBTQ+ community.

The plan of salvation is a plan of love and REQUIRES us NOT to endorse the LGBTQ+ lifestyle.

If this earth life were the beginning and end of our existence then ‘eat, drink, and be merry’ would be the only standards that make sense. Marry whomever you want. Smoke whatever you want. Do whatever you want, as long as you do not hurt me, I would not care. If this life was everything, then everyone satisfying their appetites would be logical. But our knowledge of the plan of salvation changes everything.

This life is NOT the beginning. We lived with God before we were born into these mortal bodies. We lived with our Heavenly Father and our Heavenly Mother, the two of them forming an eternal heterosexual union, with all of us as their children. And we shouted for JOY when God outlined a plan that would enable us to gain a body and work towards becoming like our Heavenly Parents, IE, get bodies, and form our own eternal heterosexual unions, and have our own children. Regarding the plan of salvation, Elder Holland taught, “Obviously, a same-gender relationship is inconsistent with this plan.”

This knowledge that we previously understood and accepted God’s plan, and that we were eager to accept mortal life and be tested and tried to reach our desired goals of eternal life is VITAL to understanding real love. Love is not the physical arousal of the body! It is the spiritual drive that powered the plan of salvation. Love of His children caused God to send His Son to earth to atone for the world. Love of His Father and siblings is what motivated Jesus Christ to perform that atonement! And for us, real love is supporting our friends in their quest for exaltation! It is not telling them to settle for less! True love would not tell a friend at the moment of decision to give up! True love will encourage, love, support, and pray for their friend to reach their potential of becoming like God.

Now am I saying we should judge others? NO! I am saying we should love them but also declare the doctrine. Elder Maxwell taught this when he said, “For the unchaste, we can be both truthful and loving in helping them to see sin and to forsake it.” Should we be preachy and shove it down their throat? No! I am not saying we should judge, demean, or condemn others! What I am saying is that we should not forsake the gospel on social media. We should stand for the truth and unapologetically share the gospel even when others will hate us for doing so. Consider this message I received on Facebook regarding loving those in the LGBTQ+ community but teaching true doctrine and ask yourself am I helping or hurting members of the LGBTQ+ community who are trying to live the plan of salvation and work towards exaltation?

Exaltation is a heterosexual union and the unchanging bedrock of the gospel plan.

People who talk about the Church needing to accept gay marriage and allow gay couples to get married in the temple do not understand even the basics of the plan of salvation. Our entire religion and plan of salvation centers around a heterosexual couple (Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother) that we are striving to become like. Jesus Christ came to earth to enable us to become like our heavenly parents. Ezra Taft Benson taught that Exaltation is merely eternal fatherhood and motherhood. That is exaltation, that is godhood! Heterosexual marriage is not just ‘part’ of the gospel plan that could be changed like a dentist pulling a tooth, it is the summum bonum of the plan of salvation. It would be like a spine and crinum replacement surgery. Fatherhood and Motherhood are the bedrock essence of Godhood.

There is a quote from Elder John A. Widtsoe where he describes those who advocate changing the gospel as “one who has broken with the fundamental principles or guiding philosophy of the group to which he belongs. … He claims membership in an organization but does not believe in its basic concepts; and sets out to reform it by changing its foundations.”

The Law of Chasity is a requirement of exaltation. It applies to ALL of God’s children. And it is hard for most of them.

One of the major talking points of advocates of accepting the LGBTQ+ lifestyle is that it is immoral and unrealistic to expect those who have a same-gender attraction to live the Law of Chastity. What they fail to understand, is that, unlike man’s law, the Law of Chasity comes from God and man cannot change it. The Law of Chastity is not only eternal but also applicable to ALL of God’s children.

And do you want in on a little secret? The Law of Chasity is hard for a LOT of members across all spectrums. The single sister who never marries, the divorcee, the member who previously was addicted to porn. Those who find themselves single for years longer than they expected. ALL MEMBERS are expected to avoid pornography like the plague, never masturbate, and live celibate lives unless they are within a marriage between a man and woman.

Each one of us will have our ‘cross to bear’ a commandment that is particularly difficult for us. For many members, that cross is living the Law of Chastity. Can you really compare the difficulty between crosses that we are called to bear by saying it is harder for LGBTQ+ people than others? In the words of Elder Maxwell, “only the Lord can compare crosses!” So be merciful! Be loving and resist the temptation to judge others.

Same-gender attraction is NOT sinful.

Regardless of what gender you are attracted to our attractions are real and powerful. But those attractions are not inherently sinful! Sometimes in our quest to avoid sin itself, we associate temptation with sin. It is not a sin to be tempted. To give in to temptation is. Jeffrey R. Holland left no room for misunderstanding when he taught: “Let me make it clear that attractions alone, troublesome as they may be, do not make one unworthy. The First Presidency has stated, “There is a distinction between immoral thoughts and feelings and participating in either immoral heterosexual or any homosexual behavior.” If you do not act on temptations, you have not transgressed. The failure to see that distinction sometimes leads to despair.”

You are not gay. You are a child of God. Your sexuality does NOT define you or your potential.

Satan wants us to identify ourselves by the condition of the fall. IE, things that will not matter in the next life: “Billy is bald, Jeremy is fat, Jenny is short, Donna is white, Jerry is Japanese, Roger is a republican, and Aaron is gay.” By getting us to identify as something other than the divinity of our creation, Satan causes us to lose focus from our Heavenly Father and His plan of salvation. One of the prime examples of this comes in the focused attack by Satan against those who identify as LGBTQ+ and their families. Satan tells these people that their attractions, feelings, and desires are who they are. No longer do they identify primarily as a child of God, they identify as their sexual orientation: “I am Gay”, “I am Bi”, “I am transgender” and if you love me, you will affirm and support me.

This deception is VITAL for Satan’s plan to work. Because as soon as we shift a person’s identity to sinful behavior, then they become that behavior and any criticism of that behavior are taken personally. When the Prophet or the Apostles repeat the law of chastity it is no longer decrying an action, but it is decrying them as a person. This is why Elder Bednar said, “There are no homosexual members of the Church. We are not defined by sexual attraction. We are not defined by sexual behavior.” For Satan to move his plan forward we must identify ourselves and others by anything other than our status as a child of God.

“Most important, each of us is a child of God with a potential destiny of eternal life. Every other label, even including occupation, race, physical characteristics, or honors, is temporary or trivial in eternal terms. Don’t choose to label yourselves or think of yourselves in terms that put a limit on a goal for which you might strive.”
Dallin H. Oaks, “Where Will This Lead?” April 2019.

The Natural Man: “I was born this way.”

Those who advocate the LGBTQ+ lifestyle often say that they are simply ‘acting on the feelings that God gave them,’ as if their natural instincts are justification enough for their actions. Our desires regardless of them being heterosexual or homosexual must be bridled. In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland, “The desire for physical gratification does not authorize immorality by anyone.” Not only is it right to ask a person to put off their natural desires, but it is also the test of life itself!

Elder David A. Bednar taught that “the precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to bridle all of the passions of the flesh.”

President Kimball went on to clarify, “The ‘natural man’ is the ‘earthy man’ who has allowed rude animal passions to overshadow his spiritual inclinations.” So even if you were born with the inclination towards sin, let us follow Jesus Christ who commanded us to become born again!

Conclusion: Truly loving members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Referring back to the parable at the beginning. We know the doctrine and we know what God expects of us. We have made covenants not just to love God and our neighbors but to stand as a witness, to speak out, and be counted. So, will we do it? Will we cave to the pressures of man and act like the first friend? Will we in pride act in self-preservation and pretend to be neutral? Or will we boldly and lovingly teach and live the doctrine? Do we realize that when we act as the first or second friend’s not only are we hurting our friends but we will have to answer for our role in their sins? I want to end with the words of Ezra Taft Benson:

A few years ago, we knew our Elder Brother and our Father in heaven well. We rejoiced at the upcoming opportunity for earth life that could make it possible for us to have a fullness of joy like they had. We could hardly wait to demonstrate to our Father and our Brother, the Lord, how much we loved them and how we would be obedient to them in spite of the earthly opposition of the evil one.

And now we’re here—our memories are veiled—and we’re showing God and ourselves what we can do. And nothing is going to startle us more when we pass through the veil to the other side than to realize how well we know our Father and how familiar his face is to us. And then, as President Brigham Young said, we’re going to wonder why we were so stupid in the flesh.

God loves us. He’s watching us, he wants us to succeed, and we’ll know someday that he has not left one thing undone for the eternal welfare of each of us. If we only knew it, there are heavenly hosts pulling for us—friends in heaven that we can’t remember now, who yearn for our victory. This is our day to show what we can do—what life and sacrifice we can daily, hourly, instantly bring to God. If we give our all, we will get his all from the greatest of all.

Ezra Taft Benson Ensign, July 1975