5 Topics To Avoid Writing Your Missionary About
5 Topics To Avoid Writing Your Missionary About
Because of the drama surrounding letters and emails Pday became a day of mixed emotions when I was serving my mission. Some missionaries loved getting emails, and letters, but others dreaded emails and letters. Why did some love letters and others dread them?
Because some emails and letters are full uplifting messages from family and friends. But some emails and letters were full of bad news, or drama that stressed us out or made us homesick.
In one of my areas, we joked about skipping emails altogether! Because of all the negativity that came from the letters we talked about how we wished everyone would stop emailing us about certain things. Here are the 5 Topics To Avoid Writing Your Missionary About!
- Financial issues
It was always hard to hear about your dad losing his job, or how money was running out. We are already stressed with the Lord's work it was hard to hear about these problems that we have no control over. Emailing about a job loss, or how money is tight, is putting undue stress on us. I saw countless missionaries worried sick, about their family because of letters or emails!
Missionaries worry about their family back home and their financial situation. Almost all of my companion's families had financial issues, we would pray for their family every night. It was the only thing we could do. So remember, we're already praying for you! Help us focus and God will bless both of us!
- Heath Problems
On my mission I heard my dad had a very small heart attack, every time our phone went off and it read "President" I was afraid I was getting a call that he had died. Spare your missionary that stress, don't email them unnecessarily about heath problems. What is the goal of telling us about health issues? What can we do? We're already praying for you, and God has already promised to bless our families.
If it is something serious talk to the mission president.
Trust in the keys that the mission president has been given by the Apostles. If you feel the need to share health updates talk to the mission president first, if nothing else it allows him to know what is going on, and he will direct you on the approach to take. If it is something major, he may even drive out to the area and tell your missionary in person, and give them a priesthood blessing of comfort and counsel.
- Girlfriends (or Boyfriends)
If there is something that distracts more missionaries than girlfriends, I never ran into it. Giving us updates on girls (or guys) is super difficult. We are taught to have a set apart heart. And when we get an email about a girl we really like it is hard to focus! I've had companions that it took DAYS for them to fully refocus after some bad emails. Or perfume drenched letters...
- "When you get home"
When a missionary gets near the end of their mission they are trying super hard to focus on the work, and not get "trunky". The closer it gets the harder it becomes. It is extremely hard to do so when you're getting emails that keep pulling your thoughts to "When you get home..." At one point on my mission, it got so bad I replied. "I am a missionary now, I'll talk about home when I get home."
I knew many missionaries that the last 2 transfers they just gave up, they got "Trunky". They mentally were home, but physically on the mission still. It was just awful. The work would stall, and everyone was hurt due to trunky missionaries. Please help us focus, don't email us about when we come home, ask us about the area! You should plan for things like college ahead of time.
- Drama
Drama is awful and it is gossip. We should not be your venting source. We deal with drama, and people who have problems in the field every day. Help us find repose on Pday, after all what good does it even do to tell us about drama? Share with us the good around you!
Conclusion
If you are ever unsure if it is appropriate to share, basically apply this rule. "How will this make them feel?" If it will draw their thoughts away and occupy their time. Don't do it. It affects far more than just your missionary. If it will make your missionary miss you, and miss home, and want to come home. If you might be sabotaging them, don't do it.
And after applying this rule, if in doubt ask the mission president! His job is to help your missionary!
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I posted this on my page and two of my younger friends who served missions commented on it. One came home to be told his grandmother was terminally ill. I think each family knows what their missionary needs to hear and what not to tell them.its a personal thing but it is a very thought provoking article especially about the "drama" and "infighting". Thanks for sharing it.
Hmm... I disagree with part of this post. Rather than insulating your missionary from any negative experience the family might be going through, how helpful it is for them to hear how you are applying faith and gospel principles to a trying situation. Yes, you can minimize the drama part and I agree, they shouldn't have to worry about something needlessly but it's been helpful to us to know our missionary is praying as much for us as we are for her. I believe when you keep the Spirit present as you write letters, the proper balance is obtained.
Kind of agree with you. Sometimes people need to know to pray for them. But at the same time I have a brother with huge health problems and then hearing about it on the mission without being there in person with him, helping him, caring for him. This would distract me so much I wouldn't be able to work, personally. Like you said need a good balance
Like with all things, these principles are general, and individual adaptation is needed. But from my experience these principles are true.
There are always exceptions to rules, and I've learned that preaching the rule is the best course of action.
I like this article, our son is currently serving a mission now. While I miss him terribly, I'm super happy about what he is doing.
His emails home are a model to follow. He constantly tells us how wonderful his life is. He seems so grateful for everything.
My 15 year old son was diagnosed with a rare bone cancer while my oldest was serving his mission. It would have been much worse for him to NOT receive updates each week. Obviously we didn't tell our missionary about every minor health issue, but bigger things need to be shared. My son was an exceptional missionary by all accounts and made a conscious choice to stay focused on his missionary work each and every day. He said it was hard to find out, but he also learned many lessons about relying on the Lord, receiving answers to prayers and serving as a way to deal with tribulation. Knowing about his brother forced him to make decisions about how he chose to live every single day. He chose to work hard and grew closer to his family and to God in the process. Heavenly Father is aware of the challenges each missionary will face, including major health concerns at home. It can be a growing opportunity for everyone in the family.
I disagree with everything. When I was a missionary I did not stop being human, friend and specially brother or son. I wanted to know everything that occurred in my family. Health issues especially. I am very happy to have had a very successful mission. More importantly, in spite of the distance, I am ultra happy that I felt closer to my family than ever.
It's quite simple. Tell the mission president FIRST and trust his judgement on what to do.
(The mission president has a lot more power to help your missionary than you think!)
If you tell him second, you're undermining him and your missionary.
And if you don't the mission president at all then you're completely disrespecting the Priesthood Keys he has been given by the Apostles over your child.
I usually don't comment on these things, but I felt that I needed to share this. While I was on my mission my father went in for routine neck surgery. Two days later, he stopped breathing and was put into a medically induced coma, my mother called the mission president to have him let me know, he initially advised against her giving me that update because he thought it would be a distraction to me. But my mom, understanding my personality insisted on letting me know. Because of that, when he passed away two days later I was prepared and had thought through my options and knew what I needed to do for me. Had my mom conceded to the mission president I never would have trusted him and would have missed out on the best moments that came in the next 12 months of my mission.
While mission presidents do have great power and wisdom in their role. The best decisions come as home and mission president discuss together and proceed. And by telling missionaries what's going on at home, in a positive light, focusing on the blessings and their faith as they address the trials at home.
Knowledge is power, faith is power, the two together make missionaries unstoppable.
I read and really enjoyed the article and then for some reason I thought of a humourous ( -less?) example of the kind of letter not to write :
Dear Son,
I just wanted to write and let you know we can't send you any money this month because your brother was in car accident, and your father lost his job. So we are selling our house the week before you get home , and moving to a new one. . We saw your girlfriend, Jenny, at church. She just got engaged to Elder Jones that you were companions with 6 months ago. He got home , as you know , last month and is now is the same stake as us!. We are really looking forward to seeing you when you get home and will catch you up on all the family and ward drama. I think you will enjoy helping us settle in to our new home , whevever, it is that we end up moving to. Think positive!
Love,
Mom
wow, awesome！
This is really common sense since doing something positive should be kept in a positive light. Share it when your missionary gets home if it is important. He / she has their own concerns while in the field and doesn't need to worry about things that can wait. This is a powerful "work and a wonder".....an honorable privilege.......a blessed calling from our Heavenly Father. I was a missionary in the England East Mission. So I know.....
I really disagree with some points on this and feel following them can cause some real damage. My parents avoided telling me about a health problem they thought would distress me, so I ended up finding out when my mother was in the ICU on death's door. It was one of the most traumatic experiences I have ever had in my life. I wouldn't email a missionary saying "we found something that is a total mystery" and leave them wondering, but keep them appraised.
Emails that are only positive often make a missionary feel they can only respond in kind, and so they can't share when things get hard fro them.
It ends up being two fake smiles back and forth, and neither can uplift or pray specifically for the other. It's possible to send a letter that shares hard things but is uplifting in nature. My sister wrote me about financial problems her family was having, but shared how the Lord strengthened her and how they were acting in faith and so felt peace. It was one of my favorite emails from my whole mission. I reread it often as a missionary. It helped me realize my service mattered, my family struggled just as I did, and I felt like I could also choose to act in faith.
My counsel would be to be real, but recognize for yourself and acknowledge to your missionary that God is good, that faith is a choice. That's a higher pattern. That's the pattern of the Book of Mormon, and the pattern of our leaders in General Conference. That's how to knit hearts together in love, even when separated.
I 100% disagree, I had companions that were totally wrecked because of the health drama back home and the emails about it. Trust the mission president, confide in him and ask for his guidance on how to help your missionary if you think they need to be told, he might personally deliver the message with an offer for a Priesthood blessing. But as a rule, avoid health drama as all it causes is drama.
I disagree with all of this, too. As a recently returned missionary myself, I would have been so upset if any update on my family was kept from me. I feel like we worry too much about missionaries becoming too distracted that we forget that they are human. We care our about families and loved ones at home. But, we also know are duty and know when we need to focus and to work. I also wrote my soon to be husband all throughout my mission and, not to toot my own horn, but I believe I was a very focused and hard working missionary. My mission President didn't even know I had someone at home. It all depends on who the missionary is. We're not robots.