While reviewing the October 1952 conference this last weekend I ran across a lot of good talks. Stayner Richards talked about the need for men to express love to their wives, to get them flowers, to tell them they love her, and to take care of them. President David O. McKay related the touching story of traveling to Wales with his wife to visit her mother’s childhood home. But it was a talk by Elder Matthew Cowley that stood out above the rest. In this talk, he speaks of the “clasped hands” and the “sacred triangle” we enter into when we are sealed in the Temple! So, from the Conference Archives, here is his talk in full (The first paragraph and a half is the introduction, it really starts with “There flashed in my mind”):
The Sacred Triangle by Elder Matthew Cowley
I have been coming to these conferences as a member of the Council of the Twelve for seven years now, except when I have been absent in the islands of the sea. I enjoy immensely these meetings, but this is always a frightening experience for me. I ask for your faith and prayers while I occupy your time here.
I listened to the sermon which Brother Stayner Richards addressed to me this morning, and I want him to know that it cost me ten dollars during the noon hour when I went to buy my wife some flowers. I was a bit surprised when I went into the florist shop, and the lady said, “You know Brother Stayner Richards is the best friend we have here.” I do want to thank him for not suggesting mink coats. I want to say in all seriousness that the woman God gave to me is worth a mink coat, worth more than anything Brother Richards could ever suggest, and I thought when President McKay said that the experience he had as he stood at the side of his wife in the room where his sainted mother was born was a personal experience and was not of general importance to us, how wrong he was! That is an important experience for all of us, my brothers and sisters. What a beautiful sermon, his standing at the side of his wife, where he has stood for lo these many years, and in the presence of his mother, who also stood at the side of her companion for many years! There flashed in my mind when he briefly related that experience the symbol which is over the long narrow window on the east and west end of that great temple, the symbol of the clasped hands. How important that symbol is in the lives of all of us! We men of the priesthood who have knelt at the sacred altar and on that altar clasped the hand of a sainted companion and have entered an eternal triangle, not a companionship of two but of three—the husband, the wife and God—the most sacred triangle man and woman can become a part of. But my heart sinks in despair when I witness so many who have and are withdrawing that hand from one another. They don’t do that until they first divorce God from that triangle, and after divorcing God, it is practically impossible for them to stay together side by side. We pledge eternal fidelity to one another as we kneel at the sacred altar, and the words we hear are not “until death do you part,” nor “for as long as you both shall life,” but “for time and for all eternity” (D&C 132:18-19)
There came into my office within the past week a sister who said she had divorced her husband, married in this Holy House; the handclasp had been severed. I said, “What are the grounds?” She said, “Drunkenness. I have been living with a drunken swine.” I said, maybe without thinking, “Sister, don’t you know that only God and women can make men of swine, can make men of beasts?” I said, “Now, your companion is no longer your husband in the eyes of the law, but now he is your brother, and there is no law under heaven which can destroy that relationship. Now, work with him as your brother, and I have suggestions which may help you.”
I expect her to come back. I still know that the influence of that woman will lead her husband into sobriety, and under the goodness and mercy of God there will return the clasp of the hand.
Brother Lee referred this morning to the Alcoholics Anonymous. That is my organization, brothers and sisters. Only recently, as I attended one of their meetings, I heard a man stand up and bear his testimony. Members of all religious denominations were there, but these men and women are all of one mind, and that’s to stay aboard the raft of sobriety by helping one another. And I heard this man say, “Five years ago I was a drunken sot. I was in the gutter, and then I met some of you men. I haven’t had a drink now for five years. My wife had divorced me. She had the custody of the children. The court awarded her everything I had, which wasn’t much, but she was entitled to it. Now,” he said, “I have my wife back. I have my children back. I have converted my wife to the Church. Last week I was ordained an elder, and the bishop said, ‘Bill, one year from now you can take your wife and those children to the temple of God and be sealed for all eternity.’ “
I anticipate in supreme joy the experience they are going to have, kneeling together, with their hands clasped, and the hands of their children upon their hands, those children being brought within that sacred triangle, the man, the woman, and God.
Yes, sisters, you can make men of us beasts. And, brethren, do not withdraw your hand in the greatest hour of need of your companion. Sisters generally do not withdraw that hand. I thank God that when my hand maybe has tended to slip away, that the grip of my companion has been as strong as bands of steel, and I have been brought back.
I was in a home recently in one of our stakes where a man was lying upon his bed. The only part of his body that he could move were his eyes and his tongue. He could speak and he could see, but that was all; no life in his arms; no life in his legs. The home was immaculate; his bed linen was immaculate; he was immaculate. Maybe there was no life in his hands, but his companion held that hand in a grasp as strong as life itself. The clasp of the hand, brothers and sisters—it has meaning! And when you are away from one another, if you don’t feel a spiritual clasp stronger than the physical clasp, rush back to one another as quickly as you can. You know true love is not looking at each other in one of these old-fashioned loveseats looking into each other’s eyes. That isn’t true love. True love is that love which comes into your heart and motivates your life when you arise from the altar and both of you look in the same direction, down through eternity. That is true love, where both are looking in the same direction.
The Maori in referring to his wife says: “Taku hoa wahine.”
That means, “My companion wife.” The wife, in speaking of her companion, says: “Toku hoa tane.” “My companion husband.” I like that a little better than just saying “My wife,” or “My husband.” “My companion wife,” “My companion husband!” Companionship implies a oneness of direction, right down through eternity.
I see in this congregation men who are here, maybe not many of you, but I know some of you, and you are here today because sometime in the past when your hand was slipping away, and a little finger maybe was being loosened from the clasp, there came a grip from your companion wife which held you firm. Eternal fidelity, brothers and sisters, I thank God for it. I thank God for a hand which will always reach out and grasp mine.
I go about the Church, and I hear my name read out as one of the Authorities of this Church, and hands are raised to sustain me, but I say within myself, “My companion wife is being sustained, and that’s the reason I am being sustained.”
Thank you, President McKay, for that beautiful picture of you and your wife, side by side, touching each other’s hands in the room where your sainted mother was born.
When I went to New Zealand as mission president, I went around among the people. Those natives have great memories. They would quote from the sermons of mission presidents, but there had been one president out there whom they did not quote, but he preached to those people the most beautiful sermon they had ever witnessed. Wherever I would go and we would refer to that grand man, the natives would say, “He was always holding hands with his wife.” When they would sit down together at the table, their hands would just naturally go toward each other, and they would hold hands—the greatest sermon that was ever delivered in the history of the New Zealand Mission, the sacred clasp of the hands of man and woman.
I thank God for your devotion, for your loyalty, brothers and sisters, to one another. I thank God for the youth about whom Bishop Buehner has spoken. I have seen them come into the temple, a young man and a young woman, to be sealed and to clasp their hands with a pledge of eternal fidelity, and their own fathers and mothers couldn’t come inside the little gate on Main Street. Yes, brothers and sisters, in many cases the youth are our examples. The youth are building up the power of the kingdom, and that type of youth will never be satisfied until they can come to that temple gate and walk through, holding the hands of their mothers and their fathers.
I thank God for the clasp of the hand. I thank God for the symbol of the handclasp, with all of its eternal significance. God grant that I may always have the strength to clasp the hand of my companion wife and that she will always have the strength to hold my hand as if it were in a vise. God bless her with that strength, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Matthew Cowley, Conference Report, October 1952, pp. 26-29
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