6 Things You Can Do To Help Someone Who Struggles With Pornography.

6 Things You Can Do To Help Someone Who Struggles With Pornography.

Sooner or later you will face it. Someone you care about will struggle with an addiction to pornography. The question then becomes, what can and should you do? You see it causing pain and your first instinct will be to want to ‘help’ or ‘fix’ their problem. But this is not your problem to fix. The road to real recovery must be the choice of the person who is struggling with pornography, just as his actions alone led him here, he alone will need to make the choice to walk the road of recovery. So what can you do when someone you loves struggles with pornography? Here are 5 things you can do to help someone who is struggling and is trying to overcome an addiction to pornography.

1st. Love Them.

Just love them. This is most likely something they’ve struggled with for years. Quitting will be the hardest thing they have ever tried to do. And like any addiction, it is strong and relapses will happen. They don’t need snarky comments or judgmental looks just love. Whereas pornography is the plague, it is not contagious. Don’t forsake the sick, minister to them. They need to feel God’s pure love, with your actions reflect the pure love of Christ. Whereas yes it is true porn kills love, the more important truth is that something can kill porn, love kills porn, pure love. In few ways will someone feel your love as much as when they hear you pray for them.

“The only power strong enough to overcome pornography is the pure love of Christ.”
~Anonymous

2nd. Be A True Friend.

Often it is moments of discouragement, rejection, and loneliness that trigger a relapse. The single most important thing you can do is to just love them as a true friend. But never blame yourself for their relapse, they must accept full accountability for their actions, but you can help them feel valued and needed. Help them realize that you are there for them. Be a true friend to them just like Christ is to you.

“At no time will we be more Christlike than when we are a friend.”
President Marlin K. Jensen

3rd. Fully Support Them In Going To Addiction Recovery Meetings.

Addiction is the devil’s counterfeit of the atonement, instead of healing he offers numbing, lasting recovery will only come from the healing Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Because of this, The Church has established addiction recovery programs (ARP) where they teach the twelve-step program that focuses on addiction recovery and healing. Attending these meetings is something that will be vital to achieving complete recovery.

Never shame anyone for attending an ARP meeting, realize that this is a courageous thing, and a scary thing for them to do. Offer to give rides, or if appropriate go with them. I know as I have attended ARP meetings with my friends I have gained a better understanding of their struggles and the road to recovery. I find myself learning more about the atonement and repentance in the APR meetings also.

Honestly, I feel that every member should go to the ARP meetings. Sooner or later someone you love will struggle with an addiction, this will help you understand the road the will need to walk. But more importantly, by attending ARP meetings you will learn the steps of repentance and accessing the atonement and lasting healing. You will realize the truth that President Boyd K. Packer taught, that “there is no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no apostasy, no crime exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness. That is the promise of the atonement of Christ.”

4th. Offer To Be A ‘Support Person’

The road to recovery requires support. Their first support will always be God, you can’t replace the role of Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Ghost within recovery and repentance, but you can offer to be a “support person.” In the ARP there are 7 levels of support, God, family, friends, ecclesiastical leaders, recovery meetings, professional counselors, certainly not least is the support person.

Being a support person is more than simply saying “If you need anything call me.” The ARP guide cautions: “Use great care and wisdom when selecting someone other than a priesthood leader. . . . Do not share . . . sensitive information with individuals you suspect might extend improper guidance, provide misinformation, or have difficulty maintaining confidences. [A support person] must be extremely trustworthy in both word and deed” (Guide, 30; italics added).

The role of a support person can not be overstated. They must be willing to hasten to the rescue at a moments notice. The support person is a loving but firm friend. Someone who is always willing to help, but will keep you honest. After all, when acting as a support person you are actually acting like Christ.

President Gordon B. Hinckley spoke of this when he said: “Band together and strengthen one another. And when the time of temptation comes you will have someone to lean on to bless you and give you strength when you need it. ” (Eugene Oregon Regional Conference, September 15, 1996)

5th. Forgive And Let Them Repent.

Nothing is more demoralizing than the shame culture when it comes to pornography. I have witnessed firsthand members saying things like “I would never let my daughter date someone who has ever looked at pornography.” Or “I deserve someone who has never seen pornography.” or “There is no such thing as recovery.”

Are we not all sinners? Are we not all beggars before God? Do we actually believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ? Let us give others what we so often pray for, a chance to repent and grow. Even if they currently are struggling. In the words of Jeffrey R. Holland: “It is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal. Let people repent. Let people grow.”

6th. Forget.

When someone hurts you deeply with an addiction to pornography it is hard to forgive let alone forget. But the Lord has commanded us to forgive all men. No exceptions, no exclusions, and no prerequisites like repentance. Our own forgiveness is contingent on our willingness to forgive others.

Is forgiving hard? Yes! Is forgetting even harder? Yes, yes it is, but it is also Godly. Will trust need to be earned? Of course! You must forgive and forget and never hold it over their head. The Lord warned the early Saints that if they did not forgive and forget “there remaineth in him the greater sin.” (D&C 64:8–9.)

So pray to God so that you can truly forgive and forget. By doing so you will find less bitterness, pain and anger and more love,  sympathy, and understanding in your life.

“Forgive everyone, everything, all the time, or at least strive to do so, thus allowing forgiveness into your own life. Don’t hold grudges, don’t be easily offended, forgive and forget quickly, and don’t ever think that you are exempt from this commandment.”
Elder Jörg Klebingat

Conclusion.

Even if you do all 6 of these things recovery will still be the responsibility of the person who struggles with pornography. Never let someone guilt trip, or shame you into thinking that you are not doing enough.  Remember, God is a perfectly loving Father, and His children still sin. Don’t be hard on yourself. These things are to enable them, but at the end of the day, they are the one still accountable for their actions.