There is an epidemic occurring within the Church and it is causing suicide rates to skyrocket. In Utah alone, suicide is the number one cause of death among teenagers. And has doubled in the past 7 years. I have personally lost a childhood friend to suicide. It rocked me to the core, especially because I had a prompting to call him the day he killed himself but I was “too busy” and ignored it. One of the fastest-growing demographics committing suicide are youth who struggle with same-gender attraction. Critics of the Church will say it is because of the Church and its doctrines regarding gay marriage. But I argue, it is not the doctrines, but the culture that is to blame. See, the gospel and the culture are not the same thing. Whereas anyone can live the gospel, the culture can be merciless. Let me explain because there is a difference between doctrine and culture; as it can be the difference between life and death.
Doctrine.
The doctrines of the Church teach that every single person is first and foremost a child of God. We are children of heavenly parents who love us. We are taught to identity as children of God, and NOT to define ourselves by our sexual orientation, race, gender, or any other mortal characteristic. This is why LDS Leaders will say things like “There is no such thing as a gay Mormon” because in their minds, the only label we have is Child of God.
The gospel teaches us to love everyone. Period. The end. No exceptions, no stutters, no “but they are sinning;” or any other rational lie we may tell ourselves. The first two great commandments of God are to love Him, and others. We often show our love to God by loving others. Jesus once said: “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:40.
Now, you might be thinking, “But the LDS Church opposes Gay marriage!!” Yes; the doctrine of the Church is sexual intimacy should only be expressed within the bonds of marriage, and that marriage is defined by God as between a man and a woman. Nowhere does it say to shame, shun, or persecute those who live differently. As a matter of fact, the opposite is taught! Namely that we love those who live any lifestyle, even if we disagree.
Elder Dale G. Renlund talked about the need for us to come together in love to help prevent suicide in a recent video he shared on Facebook.
Culture.
The culture often is inline with the gospel, but there are areas where it is not. When it comes to same-gender attraction, it is one of those areas where members often fall short of living the gospel and live a faulty culture instead. This should not be. As a missionary, I remember my mission companion telling me that if his son ever “decided to be gay” he would “beat the gay out of him. Or disown him” And this is just one example of things I have heard. Thinking about these comments is sickening. There is just so much that is wrong with that statement. This is NOT what Christ would do! This is not what true Christians do! But homophobia is a real problem within Mormon culture.
Mormon culture incorrectly suggests that the mere temptation or struggle of same-gender attraction makes one a sinner. This is one of the leading reasons so many LGBTQ youth are getting shamed and eventually committing suicide. Beyond that, the culture tries to identify people not as children of God who should be loved, but by their actions/temptations! This is the apex of being unchristian. Christ did not go around shaming people; he went about loving them — and teaching correct doctrine– but foremost, loving them.
I have quite a few friends who struggle with same-gender attraction. Some have decided that they will embrace that lifestyle and have left the church; others have decided that they believe the doctrines, and are going to keep their covenants and commandments. Both are often shamed by members of the church. When we shame LGBTQ youth it causes hopelessness, desperation, and despair; all three contribute to the skyrocketing suicide rates. Beyond that, when we decide we are going to ostracize people, who we have covenanted to help, we become no better than the Pharisees that Christ condemned as whited sepulchers Matthew 23:27. The simple fact is that Jesus was a friend of everyone, including sinners. The Pharisees were not. We are commanded to be like Jesus. But are we really living that commandment?
What can we do?
This is a hard situation, one where there are a lot of questions and no easy answers. However, there is a simple answer when it comes to what we can/should do? Love them. Just love them as Jesus would. If they decide to stay in the church, treat them as an equal. Love and support them as you would your own brother, because they are. Some of the most amazing members struggle and fight the largest trials.
If they decide to leave the church, love them anyways! Don’t exclude them, in all things ask yourself: “Am I in compliance with the first two commandments? First, am I loving God and keeping my covenants? Second, am I loving others as God does?” No action of another person will ever justify unchristian actions or words on our part. Just like there is no room for racism in the kingdom of God, there is no room for homophobia. I encourage you to watch this video the Church made about my former Bishop’s family.
But what about defending the sanctity of marriage?
Here is a secret, we can disagree with the lifestyle of those who are pursuing a same-gender relationship without becoming homophobic or condemning of them. We will declare God’s law and defend the sanctity of marriage; but if we do not equally voice our love for all of God’s children, then we are not true followers of Christ.
Simply put, if we live the gospel and treat others right, there won’t be the pandemic of suicides we are seeing now. Why, in Zion, where everyone feels wanted and needed, would anyone feel hopeless to the point of taking their own life? I know Zion is a long way away, but it is something to strive towards, and it starts by treating everyone the way Christ would.
Please note, if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide please reach out to the suicide hotline at 1-800-273-8255
Also, another great resource is Encircle (https://encircletogether.org/) a foundation created by an LDS mom to help support LGBTQ youth.
Golden Mom
Saturday 23rd of November 2024
Becky Mackintosh has a beautiful story! Have you read her book Love Boldly?
Jeremy
Monday 25th of November 2024
I have not read her book, but her husband was my Bishop at BYU. I do think they lean a bit too far in the other direction though.
Paul
Wednesday 12th of December 2018
Thank you for this! I am an sga LDS Guy. My Bishop knows my pain. He became aware during my temple recommend interview. I hold a permission slip! I wear the underwear. But, yes, I would love to be in a relationship. I am a lonely 62yr old SGA LDS Guy. I know what young gay men in this church FEEL...
Renaissance Nerd
Wednesday 27th of June 2018
This is something that has always bothered me, not specifically regarding SSA, but about Mormons who forget to be Mormons. My great-grandfather was a Seventh Day Adventist (at least in theory) and lived in Provo, UT. Such was his reputation as a mean, even cruel man (which he was), that when my grandfather went to church with a friend as a young man, a couple of little old ladies sneered at him: "What are YOU doing here?"
That has been a lesson to me ever since I first heard it as a small boy. My grandfather eventually joined the church anyway...eleven years later.
I don't see any reason anybody can look down on somebody having temptations...whatever they're being tempted to do. What difference does it make, even if they fail from time to time? God can't look on the least degree of sin with tolerance, and we've all got to repent not just once but many times. The only thing any of us ought to be doing regarding anybody else's temptations--and sins--is helping out whenever it's possible.
I think James said it best: "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all. For he that said, Do not commit adultery, said also, Do not kill. Now if thou commit no adultery, yet if thou kill, thou art become a transgressor of the law."
We're all transgressors and so we all need to repent.
Tristan Foster
Friday 22nd of June 2018
Thanks for sharing!
Kevin McKinley
Thursday 21st of June 2018
I had a very good discussion with a young man about this very subject. What I shared with him is that we (meaning the church as an institution) do not condemn same sex attraction. That we have no doctrine saying that it is immoral. What we do have is a doctrine of sexual purity that applies to ALL members regardless of their attractions. Regardless if we are "straight" or "gay" makes no difference, we ALL have that standard to live to. As a man I can have a female roommate (although it probably wouldn't be smart on my part to place myself in that situation). I can be attracted to that female roommate. What I can not do is have a sexual relationship with that female roommate. Thst sexual relationship would be outside the parameters of only having sexual relations with in a lawful and legal marriage between a man and a women. The doctrine is the same, regardles of the sex of the two parties. What matters is that they are following the instructions of God as we currently know them to be. It greatly saddens my heart that we, as a church and as individuals, do not convey that message better. There are enough pitfalls and traps of Satan trying to hold us back from a loving relationship with our Heavenly Father, we don't need to be setting them for our brethern and our sisters.
The one thing I always try to keep in mind is that we were ALL sitting at the great counsel in Heaven together, we might have even been sitting right next to each other for all I know. We ALL elected to keep our first estate or we wouldn't even be here. We ALL are doing the very best we can to return to the glory of living in the presence of our Heavenly Father. I know that I don't get it right 100%. I know how hard that journey can be. It is only through the love of Jesus Christ for me that the journey is paved for me. It is only through the love of my Brethern and Sisters around me that focus not on my weaknesses, but my strengths, that a light is shown on that paved way. How dare I not show that same love to my brothers and sisters I have known from before we came through the veil.
James
Tuesday 12th of December 2023
@Autumn, In so many ways we have only a rudimentary understanding of the way things are in the eternities. Modern revelation gives us knowledge about the highest level of Celestial life, that a man and a woman sealed together for time and all eternity and who live the celestial laws may have eternal increase. Less is known about levels 2 or 3 of the Celestial Kingdom. God, in His infinite wisdom, certainly must allow for those living righteously but who never become sealed in the new and everlasting covenant of marriage but otherwise qualify for Celestial glory. Anything I say beyond that is speculation but God will be more fair and loving than any of us can imagine. Here is the speculation: children who die before the age of accountability probably don't qualify, yet, for the highest level because they never had the chance to get married. Men and women who never got married to someone of the opposite gender don't seem capable of having eternal increase. Perhaps carnal sex will be meaningless in the eternities and spiritual procreation is accomplished in ways we cannot know. I recall being taught, though I cannot quote off the top of my head, that there is fluidity within the Celestial Kingdom. Perhaps there is "wiggle room" for those children who died early and those adults who couldn't become married because of same-sex attraction or who were unable to be blessed with a mate because of some physical attribute, including many kinds of birth defects or just not being physically attractive. The afterlife in the various kingdoms should be very interesting. As for the double bind making someone "lesser" if they aren't attracted to the opposite gender, It doesn't mean they cannot be Celestial. They just aren't yet in the "top level" where Eternal Increase becomes a blessing. Those in the Telestial and Terrestrial Kingdom are already, effectively neutered as to the question of Eternal Increase. They won't. They can't. Someway, God will work things out fairly.
Autumn
Thursday 25th of October 2018
I have always understood that this is the position of the church. What it took me way too long to learn is how wrong it is to set up people in a double bind. To give them a commandment that leaves them lesser than the rest of the people, the ones who are "doing the right thing."
It sounds great to say that it's not about sexual attraction at all, it's only about sexual purity...except that the church will never recognize those who choose not to engage in a physical relationship with their partner until after they are married if their partner is the same gender. That is disingenuous at best.