The world needs more Homemakers.
"I want to be a stay-at-home mom." It is a phrase that I have heard from countless YSA sisters when asked about what they want to do with their life. For the longest time, I thought that was an amazing goal. They wanted to follow the Prophet. Then I realized something. I was hiking in the mountains east of Provo and pondering the gospel when it hit me. "In scriptures and conferences God has not told the women to be 'stay-at-home moms.' But rather He has repeatedly called them to be homemakers." I realized that many women are stay-at-home moms but not homemakers, and sometimes homemakers out of necessity also work outside the home. As I continued my climb to the summit of Freedom Peak I was taught by the Spirit something that I want to share with you today.
"Homemaking is the highest, most noble profession to which a woman might aspire"
Ezra Taft Benson (Oct 1981).
'Stay-at-home Mom' vs Homemaker
Being a stay-at-home mom in and of itself is not a bad thing, but it is bad when it replaces the goal of being a homemaker. A stay-at-home mom simply stays at home and runs the house. Do the chores, and make sure the kids are fed and clothed. Often when people have only small kids, or no kids, being a stay-at-home mom becomes disenfranchising as they get 'bored' and turn to things to fill the time, Social Media and Netflix are always willing to help fill the time of a day. I see this a lot among newlywed couples. They are going through the motions of but they are missing the mark, they maintain a house they are not homemaking.
The Call to be a Homemaker.
The phrase "Stay-at-home mom" Only appears once in general conference, but the phrase Homemaker/Homemaking appears dozens of times. Our call is not just to do things, but to become. We have a lot of jobs, chores, and activities calling for our attention but it is important to remember the teachings of James E. Faust (April 1998) "There is, however, no more important job than homemaking." So what is homemaking exactly? In the gospel, context homemaking is so much more than just managing a house. Homemaking is the art of making a house a home. It is the gospel in action. It is a journey of preparing your family for exaltation. In Oct 2007 Julie B. Beck taught: "Mothers who know create a climate for spiritual and temporal growth in their homes. Another word for nurturing is homemaking."
Being a homemaker is not about being domesticated! It is about learning and growing as a wife and an equal partner with your spouse. 100 years ago homemakers learned how to raise animals, plant gardens, and mend clothes to enable their families to survive off one income. Homemakers today may learn to do those things, but they might also learn how to blog, take online classes, or learn a new marketable skill like coding. They might teach others how to play the piano, or how to sing. My mother even took online classes and got her master's while raising us kids!
A homemaker is in the business of making things into their best version. They turn houses into homes. They teach boys how to become men and girls how to become women. Also, they seek to develop their own talents and skills. In all these things she should be completely supported by her husband. Ultimately, to be a homemaker your goal is to make a home where the Spirit of the Lord is present and everyone is coming closer to God. A true home is heaven on earth.
"Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness."
Elder Gary E. Stevenson (April 2009)
Examples of Homemaking
When I think of homemaking two examples come to my mind. First, from my own parents. Before I was born we moved from Chatfield to Loveland (Suburbs of Denver). We sold our house and closed that chapter of our life. Well, a few months later my parents get a phone call from the person who moved into our house. See, they saw the gardens, the kid's rooms, the fruit trees, and they felt the Spirit in our home. They decided they wanted to have what my family had. So they started to ask around about my family, at a soccer game one of the moms overheard this new family asking about my parents, and told them that she went to the same church as the Goffs, and invited them to learn more. They were calling my parents to tell them that their family was getting baptized. An empty house that was once a home led them to the gospel.
"In a Latter-day Saint home, children are not simply tolerated, but welcomed; not commanded, but encouraged; not driven, but guided; not neglected, but loved." Thomas S. Monson (April 1992)
The second example that comes to mind is my neighbor, Lloya Hall. Sister Hall is the quintessential definition of a homemaker. Their house was located in the far corner of our neighborhood on top of a hill, and it had a beautiful garden. But it was not the house or garden that mattered, it was the fact it felt like home. The Halls home was always open to the neighborhood kids, everyone loved to go to the Halls home. Their backyard was the mecca of our neighborhood. We had parties, filmed movies, played laser tag, jumped on the tramp, went stargazing, and we even had epic wooden sword fights! (With the occasional split open head). Even the neighborhood night games always were based around the Halls home. It did not matter that the Halls had a huge family, or that President Hall was the Stake President. The Hall's home was where every neighborhood kid felt loved, welcomed, and wanted. They also invited any of their kid's friends to join in family prayer or scripture study if it was time for it. Truly they embodied this counsel: "Let your home be the social and cultural center for your family. This includes picnics, home evenings, musicals, and backyard games. Make your home a place where your children want to be during their free time." Ezra Taft Benson (Oct 1981).
Why Homemaking?
All too often in the world, our responsibilities are shifted. We defer to 'experts' in almost everything. But there is one vital thing we can not delegate, teaching the gospel to our children. Too often we forget the admonition of President James E. Faust (April 1987): "There are really no adequate substitutes. Church, school, and government programs can only reinforce and supplement that which is acquired at home." Gospel learning must take place in the home."The righteous molding of an immortal soul is the highest work we can do, and the home is the place to do it." is what Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin taught (April 1993). In one of the best addresses on the topic, entitled "Living the Gospel in the Home" President Kimball taught "Our success, individually and as a Church, will largely be determined by how faithfully we focus on living the gospel in the home."
Once you understand that in the gospel context homemaking means to teach your children how to live the gospel, then suddenly it makes complete sense as to why the First Presidency has not backed down on the need for women to be in the home. Why this past conference there was a call to nurture and teach the gospel. Because nothing can make up for a lack of it. The job of homemaking may primarily be the role of women, but it is more fully practiced when in unity husband and wife strive to make a home together, and even greater unity when aunts, uncles, and siblings unite as a large family to reinforce gospel principles. So if you are unmarried, or can't have children, you can still be a homemaker!
“Women who make a house a home make a far greater contribution to society than those who command large armies or stand at the head of impressive corporations. Who can put a price tag on the influence a mother has on her children, a grandmother on her posterity, or aunts and sisters on their extended family?” Gordon B. Hinkley (Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues That Will Heal Our Hearts and Homes [2000], 152).
Even although I am now a widow and my children have their own lives I still love my home and enjoy nuturing it and welcoming my family when they visit.
Ah, semantics. When women say "stay-at-home mom" they are thinking of what you describe as "homemaking". When men hear "stay-at-home mom" it's what you describe it as. Women understand this far more than you realize (how many have you actually talked to about this subject before writing about it?), the problem comes when women take on too much. They try to do it all by themselves. It's a common misunderstanding to think they are supposed to, and therefore can. This common misunderstanding is thought throughout both genders. Men expect their stay-at-home wives to do everything because "they don't work". I would love to hear next about how men can properly support their wive's, and other women in their lives, role as a stay-at-home mother and wife.
I consulted with, and wrote this with the help of over 20 different women. Ranging from singles to grandmothers. And no, it is not semantics. The rising generation, which is my generation, is not being taught how to be homemakers. Just because you are staying at home does NOT mean you are homemaking. And sure, I'll write about how men can help with their wives with their God-given duties. But it is important to remember that 80% of my readers are women, so when I write to the men it makes little difference.
I'm sure there are some men out there who do this, but in the "LDS community" I see many more women who stay home, do very little, and then hand everything over to their husbands when they get home. I'm sorry but the "picked on stay-at-home mother" is old and tiring. In so many cases they are depressed because they are bored, idle, and under challenged. No, staying home with one toddler is not harder than working one or two full-time jobs. That being said, a mother who builds a home contributes more and probably works more than I ever will.
I'm a woman, and I loved this article. Maybe it's because I do work part time, and have always felt guilt. This article helps so much in understanding that I can still be, and actually AM a homemaker. I can make a home even though I am not home 24-7. I feel that this is really a helpful and hopeful article.
I wish the men were taught in Priesthood classes how to support their wives. They need to be taught not to mock, demoralize & demean what their wives do. Everything we do is for our family. Everything.
This was great,really good job explaining what it truly means to be a homemaker. Thank you.
I'm a woman, and I loved this article. Maybe it's because I do work part time, and have always felt guilt. This article helps so much in understanding that I can still be, and actually AM a homemaker. I can make a home even though I am not home 24-7. I feel that this is really a helpful and hopeful article.
It’s a shame the church did away with Relief Society Homemaking. My mom is an incredible homemaker! Our neighborhood was mainly filled with homemakers who would get together for homemaking night once a month at our church. I remember being able to go a few times and couldn’t wait to get into Relief Society! Then they went away from the program shortly after and now we have rising generations of women who can barely do the basics of homemaking. Women are t nurtured the way they used to be. And honestly, reading this article just once again puts that pressure of perfection on women’s shoulders.
I love the idea that homemaking is about making your home into a place where the spirit can be felt. What about those mothers who want or need to work full time? This article makes it seem like that is not righteous and you have to stay home to be a successful homemaker. I do not think it wrong to have personal dreams and want to raise children in the gospel. My mom did this by herself and I learned the value of hard work.
Men need to be homemakers the same way. Whether you feel like God called you to be a homemaker or not, does not depend on your gender but on your personality and mission on Earth. That`s it. We`re in the 21st century already, it is counterproductive to perpetuate gender stereotypes.
We also need to realize that being a stay at home mother in a nuclear family is incredibly challenging and a leading cause of depression and suicide among mothers in the church. Being a homemaker should NEVER be a 1 person job. Mothers and fathers should share the burdens of nurturing and providing EQUALLY. That`s what the gospel is about.
They are not gender stereotypes, they are the God-given gender roles. And yes, they are equals they have primary roles. The Family teaches, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."
And as for depression, from my experience (my wife has depression and so do all the women in her family), their depression is worse when they are acting as just a stay at home mom and is at a minimum when they are homemaking with their family.
Sometimes I wish we still had the old RS homemaking lessons.
I love this, but I also struggle with it. I aspire to be a good homemaker. I also really struggle with organizing; regardless of putting things on the calendar, setting alarms or whatever. I'm a terrible gardener- I have a black thumb, though I try again every year. *However*, as I keep trying and praying, I absolutely know that the Lord will bless my efforts.