The Lesson The Spirit Taught Me: Latter-day Saints Actually Need to Take More Offense!

Recently I had a total paradigm shift about taking offense. Over the years I’ve repeatedly echoed the words of Brigham Young, “He who takes offense when no offense is intended is a fool, and he who takes offense when offense is intended is a greater fool.” I thought all offense was bad and we simply needed to stop being so offendable! But all that changed when Emily and I had one of my old YSA Bishopric counselors and his wife over to our house for dinner last week.

After dinner, we talked about the gospel for four hours, we discussed the recent themes of my blog posts, IE, How unity for the sake of unity is not a gospel principle, how God is color blind not color brave, and how people are always saying that my posts are offensive. I joked that the newest post I wanted to write was telling people to stop taking offense, and I was going to entitle it “And All Things Shall Offend Them” as a play on words from Elder Bednar’s talk entitled “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.” We both laughed but that is when I had my epiphany… I told him we actually need to take more offense sometimes. (I could not believe the words coming out of my mouth, but they kept coming). I explained, there are two types of offense. When the natural man takes offense and when the Spirit takes offense. And often when people get upset with my blog I ask them, “Was what I said untrue or doctrinally inaccurate?” Their reply is, “Well, no. But it was offensive.” With that reply, I don’t worry as the truth is always offensive to the natural man. As we dived deeper into this conversation it was a bit surreal, almost like I was watching myself explain it to both of us. It was such a different way of thinking about taking offense that I have literally shared these concepts with my family and friends at almost every opportunity over the past week. And now I want to share them with you.

Offending the natural man.

The vast majority of the time when leaders of the Church talk about offense, they are talking about when the natural man is offended. The natural man is a prideful creature that seeketh to take offense rather than repent. It is super important to understand that there is no way to avoid giving offense to the natural man. Of course, we should not be offensive to others, and we should seek to treat them right, but if they choose to be offended that is their choice, not ours. Remember, that people found ways to be offended by Christ during His earthly ministry! The reason is simple, all things of God offend the natural man. We learn in 1 Nephi 16:2 that “the guilty taketh the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center.” When one is cut to the ‘very center’ they either choose to yield to the Spirit and repent, or they yield to pride and take offense. To this type of offense President Young’s counsel applies perfectly that it is foolish to choose pride and offense over meekness and repentance.

One might ask, but what happens when someone is simply mean and there is no need to repent? It is still our pride that is hurt that inclines us to choose to take offense. Whether the root of the comment is a truth that the natural man dislikes, or simply just people treating us poorly, it is our pride that causes us to choose to take offense at that person. From the talk, “And Nothing Shall Offend Them.” David A. Bednar explained that offense is a choice: “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”

And choosing to take offense when the natural man is offended can cause long-term damage. Elder Bednar further explained that when he visits less active members he often asks them why they are less active? And that almost always they explain that something happened and it offended them and they’ve never been back. After he would listen to their story he asks them, “‘Let me make sure I understand what has happened to you. Because someone at church offended you, you have not been blessed by the ordinance of the sacrament. You have withdrawn yourself from the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. Because someone at church offended you, you have cut yourself off from priesthood ordinances and the holy temple. You have discontinued your opportunity to serve others and to learn and grow. And you are leaving barriers that will impede the spiritual progress of your children, your children’s children, and the generations that will follow.’ Many times people would think for a moment and then respond: ‘I have never thought about it that way.’” Elder Bednar then makes a plea I echo today, “Dear friend, we are here today to counsel you that the time to stop being offended is now. Not only do we need you, but you need the blessings of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. Please come back—now.”

Offending the Spirit.

The other aspect of offense that is rarely talked about is the fact that our actions and the actions of others can offend the Spirit. This offense is not due to His pride, but rather the fact that as a member of Godhead He can not dwell in unclean tabernacles. In Oct 1996 General Conference, Dallin H. Oaks taught, “Even though we have a right to his constant companionship, the Spirit of the Lord will dwell only with us when we keep the commandments. He will withdraw when we offend him by profanity, uncleanliness, disobedience, rebellion, or other serious sins.”

Ironically, the oft-repeated counsel that we “choose not to take offense” we often apply to the things that offend the Spirit rather than things that offend the natural man. When people around us swear, when movies are profane, or when racists or crude jokes are told, rather than speaking up against such actions we choose to not take offense. Such things should not be! We should develop an intolerance to that which the Spirit is intolerant of! Of course, we should not judge others, but we must not tolerate that which will cost us the companionship of the Holy Spirit. Henry B. Eyring has affirmed this, in September 2008 First Presidency message he taught, that “we must stand against those who speak contemptuously of sacred things, because the certain effect of that offense is to offend the Spirit and so create contention and confusion. President Spencer W. Kimball showed the way to stand without being contentious as he lay on a hospital gurney and asked an attendant who, in a moment of frustration, took the name of the Lord in vain: “‘Please! Please! That is my Lord whose names you revile.’ There was a deathly silence, then a subdued voice whispered: ‘I am sorry’” (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, ed. Edward L. Kimball [1982], 198).

Elder Bednar drives this point home in April 2006 General Conference when he taught, “The standard is clear. If something we think, see, hear, or do distances us from the Holy Ghost, then we should stop thinking, seeing, hearing, or doing that thing. If that which is intended to entertain, for example, alienates us from the Holy Spirit, then certainly that type of entertainment is not for us. Because the Spirit cannot abide that which is vulgar, crude, or immodest, then clearly such things are not for us. Because we estrange the Spirit of the Lord when we engage in activities we know we should shun, then such things definitely are not for us.”

Conclusion: Aligning our tolerance with deity.

In wrapping up these thoughts regarding choosing not to take offense when the natural man’s pride is offended, and rather choosing to take offense when the Spirit is offended, there are two final points I wish to make:

First, I want to stress that when we lose the companionship of the Spirit after He has been offended it is never accompanied by spite, judgments, sneers, or any belittling comments from the Spirit. The Spirit simply does not tolerate situations that are offensive. We should follow the example of Deity in this respect. IE, we should never act self-righteously to those around us and treat them poorly when they are acting offensively. We should ask others to be respectful, and if needs be, follow the example of Joseph in Egypt and get ourselves out of the situation. It is not easy, but it should be our goal for which we strive.

“We need the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. We desire it, yet we know from experience that it is not easy to maintain. We each think, say, and do things in our daily lives that can offend the Spirit.”
Henry B. Eyring

Second, we must forgive others who have acted offensively. Regardless of whether they offended the natural man, they were simply treating us poorly, or they were offensive to the Spirit. We must remember that of us it is commanded that we forgive all men and beckon them to come unto Christ.

“We must forgive and bear no malice toward those who offend us. The Savior set the example from the cross: “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). We do not know the hearts of those who offend us.
Henry B. Eyring