How a Declined Dinner Invitation Taught Me the Key to Fighting Pornography in the Church

Last year I was listening to the Ensign and it mentioned how one family invited people from their ward over for lunch/dinner in an attempt to make everyone feel welcome. I love to cook, and so we decided we could do the same thing. Over the next few months, we had close to 50 people over for dinner/lunch. It was an amazing experience, often we met people before the Bishopric could. Our first goal was new people, and then we moved on to others who had been in the ward longer than us.

In our efforts, we never had someone flat out turn down our invitation until I invited an active family in our ward to dinner… This brother said that, whereas he would love to have dinner with us, they don’t do dinner with other couples. He went on to explain that one of his friends had done double dinner dates with another couple and it led to infidelity and that they were not going to risk it.

Now, this brother is an amazing member, in fact, he was the most welcoming member of our ward. But, if I am being honest, his decline of the invitation to dinner caught me off guard. I thought he was going to an extreme to avoid an unrealistic potential temptation. But, that is when the Spirit stepped in and rebuked my critical thoughts. I realized that he was doing whatever it took to keep his covenants. Suddenly I realized, this is the key to fighting pornography in the Church.

Whatever it Takes.

Before I got married, I remember talking with my YSA Bishop and he expressed concern to us (I was part of the Elders Quorum Presidency) about the rampant struggles with porn in our ward. Over 90% of all the men had met with him and expressed struggles in one shape or another. It kicked off an all-out war against porn in our ward. We were frank, open, and honest in our quorum meetings and it was amazing to see men who had struggled for years, and in some cases, since they were young teenagers, overcome addictions to pornography.

From my conversations with Bishops, and their councilors, around the Church, struggles with pornography are not an isolated incident. In fact, I believe that we, as Latter-day Saints, have a pornography pandemic. The issue is not realizing that porn is bad, nor is it attempting to quit porn. From my experience working with the brothers in my various YSA wards, they universally understood pornography was bad and expressed desires to quit. But there was a difference between those that continued to struggle and those that overcame; their commitment to do whatever it took. Even if other people would consider it radical or extreme.

Returning to my declined dinner invite, I realized this brother’s attitude was doing “whatever it takes” to keep his covenants. For him, “whatever it takes” was declining a dinner invite. For others, “whatever it takes” might be not texting people of the opposite sex. And for those that struggle with pornography “whatever it takes” might mean that you get rid of a smartphone, personal computer, gaming console, or even TV. Not just until you are *clean* but for good.

This idea might seem radical or extreme, but could you imagine an alcoholic celebrating being sober by going to a bar or buying alcohol for his closet? Yet many of those who struggle with porn immediately go back to their gateways to Porn once they are clean. If we want to unshackle the Priesthood we must throw off the chains of pornography. We must have men willing to do whatever it takes to get clean AND to STAY clean.

Whatever it takes means not just until you are clean, but for good. Jesus taught this in Mathew 18:8-9 when he declared that we should pluck out our eyes or cut off our hands if they lead us to sin because “it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.” This is not talking about cutting off your limbs, it is saying if things lead you to sin CUT THEM OFF and CAST THEM OUT. For good!

Giving up ALL our Sins AND Gateways to Know Him.

In Alma 22, we learn the story of King Lamoni’s father. I would argue one of the most powerful verses in the Book of Mormon in verse 18, “O God… if there is a God, and if thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee, and that I may be raised from the dead, and be saved at the last day.” This verse masterfully displays true repentance. It shows that true repentance is a willingness to give up anything and everything to Know Him and receive Eternal Life.

The application of this concept is simple: Would you give up your smartphone, forever, to Know God and have Eternal Life? What about your TV? Would you never again watch TV or play video games in exchange for Eternal Life? Of course you would! It is a no-brainer. Yet, for many people, those things are their gateways to pornography and the thought of giving them up forever is unrealistic or extreme.

Ask yourself three questions:

1. What is the sin you struggle with the most? It could be something huge that keeps you from a temple recommend or a sin of omission that keeps you from the full companionship of the Holy Ghost. But what is it? Pornography, infidelity, dishonesty, lack of charity, etc, etc, etc.
2. What is the gateway for that sin? Maybe it is couples dinners, still being friends with your ex on social media, owning a TV, Video games, smartphones, social media, a personal computer, etc, etc, etc.
3. Then ask yourself, “Am I willing to give up the gateway I identified in #2) so that I can give up the sin I identified in #1 and thereby Know God?” Is this gateway worth Eternal Life?”

We laugh at the story of Esau selling his birthright for a mess of pottage, yet how many Saints sell Eternal Life for a cellphone? Or for a TV? Now, it is vital to understand that the gateway that one person struggles with someone else might not. And we should never judge another person by our gateways, or their actions to avoid their gateways. I still invite people over for dinner, I know some men who have conquered a decades-long pornography addiction and still own a smartphone and TV, but I know others that had to get a dumbphone to do it.

The real question is simple: Are you willing to do “whatever it takes” to Know Him?