Breaking news from Salt Lake City this morning! In a press release dated “April Fools Day 2025,” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints announced a rollback of the Ministering Program. “After a review of the Church’s ministering performance compared to Home Teaching it appears that rather than higher and holier, most members are being lower and lazier.” Said one member of the Ministering Executive Committee in the shocking announcement. “I guess just like the Israelites with Moses, we were not ready.” said another Church official.
This policy reversal came as a shock to members who’ve grown used to simply texting their “Let me know if you need anything.” One member at Temple Square said, “I’ve loved Ministering! I’ve faithfully ministered each month on the last day by texting my families!” The Church Press release stresses that people have always been under obligations outlined in D&C 20:47 to “visit the house of each member and exhort them to pray vocally and in secret and attend to all family duties.” One member in Tooele (pronounced too ill a, not too lee) posted on TikTok saying, “I thought we did away with home visits?” To which the Church replied, “If you look at the handbook for ministering it literally told you this was one of your duties.”
“Wait no more cookies?” was the cry of one user on X, formerly known as Twitter. “This will devastate our business!!” said an Instagram user with the handle of @BrotherCrumbl, “We saw a massive spike in business with the change from Home Teaching to Ministering, but with the rollback, what about the cookies???” Another user lamented that their business might be affected too, someone going by the username of “Sister Swig” on Reddit posted, “Don’t forget that your families can always use a 1300 calorie soda or cookie, even if you are just their home teacher!” Gym owners also are lamenting the change. “Without ministering via cookies and soda, it could lead to fewer gym memberships!”
But not all reactions were negative, one Bishop in Orem rejoiced, “Our ministering brothers and sisters have been struggling to get into member’s homes since the change, they keep being told, ‘I don’t need a visit.’ The mixed messaging was hard, but with this rollback, we are hopeful more members will allow their ministering… I mean home teachers to visit again.” And one brother in West Valley said, “Wait, things changed? I thought Ministering was just a rebranding of the Home Teaching Program. I’ve always just done what David O. McKay told me to do in the 1960s when they announced Home Teaching as it sounded just like what they described ministering as anyways.” One Elders Quorum President in America Fork excited posted on Facebook, “YES!!! Now I can use my all-time favorite talk again, President Benson’s ‘To the Home Teachers of the Church‘ should light a fire in my quorum!”
If you have not noticed by now this is satire. The purpose of satire is to use humor to critique aspects of one’s culture. For a serious article on this subject: “Has Ministering Been Higher and Holier or Lower and Lazier?”
You also might like one of my prior April Fool’s Day satire posts “The Church Updates Zoom Polices, Now Offering Zoom Ordinances!” or The Church is Revising Family Proclamation!
