During my mission to New England, I found out that people in the Northeast were far more flamboyant with their sexuality than they were back home in Orem, Utah. Growing up in the early 2000’s I knew almost no one who identify as part of the LGBTQ community, but on my mission, quickly I found myself teaching the gospel to people, or at least interacting with people, who identify as part of the LGBTQ community on almost a daily basis. Many of these people were kind and loving, and as I was looking, I saw within them the divine spark that every child of God has.
On top of those we taught, many members had family or friends who identified as part of the LGBTQ community and I could see and feel their love for them. Even some of the members themselves identified as LGBTQ. One of the best member missionaries I knew in New England, experiences same-gender attraction, but she is amazing, she gave us more referrals than the whole ward combined, she befriended and loved everyone, and always invited them to learn more, she personally brought 4 people to the waters of baptism!
While being a missionary I learned to love everyone, including those who identify as part of the LGBTQ community, as my brothers and sisters. I also experienced something that disturbed me. I heard members and missionaries talk disparagingly about my brothers and sisters who identify as part of the LGBTQ community. I had one companion who said many off-color comments including, “If my son ever came out as a gay…I would disown him.” Since getting back from my mission I have heard many people, of many denominations, talk ill and treat poorly those who identify as part of the LGBTQ community. Almost as if their sexual orientation exempted them from the commandment to love and befriended their neighbor.
Since coming home from my mission I have volunteered with Encircle and at Ignite (programs to help youth in the LGBTQ community who are at risk to commit suicide or feel unloved) to know that there are those that love them. I have been received with both joy and shock when I came to these events and people found out I am an active Latter-day Saint. I think it is sad that it was such a shock that a Latter-day Saint wanted to be an ally. One person’s mouth hit the floor and was speechless that a straight, white, male, conservative, super-active Latter-day Saint, who unequivocally supports the Family Proclamation, would spend his afternoon helping youth who identify as LGTBQ. I explained that the only label I try to see is one: Child of God. And if you stop at that label, then helping the unloved feel God’s love is my religion.
I share this to set the tone for what needs to be said: Every member of the LGBTQ community should be able to count on a Latter-day Saint to be an ally.
What exactly does it mean to be an ally? I believe that the true meaning of being an ally is that they should be able to count on us to mourn with them, comfort them, and love them as Christ would love them. It means that we should treat them right, love them, and serve them, befriend them! Being an ally to an individual (not the movement) is to be a true friend to our brothers and sisters. After all, have we not covenanted to do that when we were baptized?
Being an ally does not mean that we need to change our doctrine, but rather that we live it. In the words of Elder Marlin K. Jensen: “Having been so richly blessed by Christ’s friendship, I pray that we will now be to others what He is to us: a true friend. At no time will we be more Christlike than when we are a friend.”
My thesis is that real Christian allyship is being a true friend. Now, Satan is attempting to twist the meaning of words, he wants us to believe that to be a friend and an ally we must embrace their lifestyle choices, but in fact, the exact opposite is true. Robert D. Hales said that “The measure of a true friend is one who will not have us choose between his way and the Lord’s way. A true friend makes it easier for us to live the commandments of the Lord. A true friend will not let us do anything we want. True friends will correct us when we do something wrong and bring us back on the straight and narrow path that leads to exaltation.” For more on this idea that being a true friend requires we stand up see “The Lie About Loving the LGBTQ+ Community That Many Latter-day Saints Are Believing”
Now I know what you are thinking, “What about marriage and family? Are they not important to defend?” Absolutely! My friends who identify as part of the LGBTQ community know that I love them and that I also believe in traditional marriage and family. They have no doubt that I believe and follow the commandments and gospel. But they also know that my love for them is unconditional as they are my brothers and sisters.
It would be wise to remember that the Pharisees of old loved the law more than people, and they often justified mistreating others because they were defending the law, Sabbath, or the temple. It was a rebuttal of their ideology when Christ replied that the most important commandment was to ” love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind…And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matthew 22:34-40).
If we make it to the judgment bar having mistreated, judged, shamed, and withheld our love and friendship aka allyship from others in our attempt to protect and defend marriage and family I can see us saying to Christ, “I spent our lives defending the family and marriage. I defended your kingdom!”
To which Christ would reply, “I did not ask you to spend your life defending My Kingdom.” And in sorrow, He would continue, “I asked you to spend your life loving God and your neighbors, more than the law. I told you that by your love they would know you were My disciple. I asked you to love, serve, help, and befriend others! I asked you to build my kingdom, not just defend it.”
Christ has declared visitors are welcome in His Church. We would be wise to truly incorporate that teaching in our lives also. Christ befriended the publicans, sinners, harlots, and the Romans. We should too. President M. Russell Ballard has stated that we can and must do better he said: “I want anyone who is a member of the church who is gay or lesbian to know I believe you have a place in the kingdom and recognize that sometimes it may be difficult for you to see where you fit in the Lord’s Church, but you do. We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly, we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brothers and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord.” (Click here for his full address)
After all, regardless of race, gender, religion, ethnicity, sexual preference, political party, and preferred college football team (even the Utes 😉 we are all sons and daughters of God. Yes, He has commandments. Yes, His laws will be enforced, but that is His job, not ours. Our job is simple: Just as He loves us unconditionally, we are commanded to love unconditionally. Let us learn to love and be true friends or allies to all around us; let us leave judgment to Jesus Christ, who truly understands and is the only fair and impartial judge. In the words of the Elder Marion D. Hanks, “We cannot, my dear brethren, condition our love … There have to be standards and they must be enforced, but our love must be unconditional.”
David Walker
Monday 29th of September 2025
A better word than "ally" would be "friend". Ally implies endorsing someone else's behavior. A true friend is one who cares deeply for the other person and helps them through life's ups and downs. They may even disagree with their behavior. We should all be friends to those struggling through the issues of life.
We live in a time when social contagion has brought about an epidemic of LGBT orientation amongst recent generations. The Gallup Poll, published in the Washington Post, shows the massive shifts since WWII. The greatest increase has been in bisexual orientation, while a substantially lesser shift has occurred in gay and lesbian orientations.
Social contagion most significantly affects those in their younger years who have minor attractions to the same sex and who conclude that they must be gay because the world is telling them that. Youth in their early teenage years often experience same sex attraction for a period and then revert to normal heterosexual attraction if left without external reinforcement.
Jeremy
Monday 29th of September 2025
I address why I use the word ally in the post:
"My thesis is that real Christian allyship is being a true friend. Now, Satan is attempting to twist the meaning of words, he wants us to believe that to be a friend and an ally we must embrace their lifestyle choices, but in fact, the exact opposite is true. Robert D. Hales said that 'The measure of a true friend is one who will not have us choose between his way and the Lord’s way. A true friend makes it easier for us to live the commandments of the Lord. A true friend will not let us do anything we want. True friends will correct us when we do something wrong and bring us back on the straight and narrow path that leads to exaltation.'"
Ellen
Tuesday 23rd of September 2025
Interesting article and some good points. However, the use of the word "ally" has been hijacked by LBGQT groups to imply condoning and promoting. Obviously, the author understands that, but readers, at first glance or who don't thoroughly read the article, might not. By simply saying we need to be an ally, would for many, seem to imply that we are condoning and promoting. In today's world, so many words have been co-opted for political narratives. Ally is one of them. Would we say we need to be an "ally" of an alcoholic, a porn addict or any other person who battles inclinations that go against gospel standards? Realizing that not all LGBQT act out their inclinations and that many try to stay within the Lord's commandments, the use of the word "ally" is politically charged and, I don't think, would be used in connection with people who battle other inclinations. The political/cultural implication of the word ally is there, whether we want it to be Let us love and be kind to all. But, if we use the word ally, we are saying something very different to the world.
Jeremy
Thursday 25th of September 2025
Yup, they have tried to hijack the word. I refuse to let them. When we surrender our language we lose a vital aspect of the battle.
Colter
Friday 9th of December 2022
I am an active member, I experience same sex attraction, I agree with pretty much everything in this article, but I disagree with your idea of trying to change what "LGBTQ ally" means in this context. I just think its too much of an uphill battle at this point seeing what it actually means in the LGBTQ community, and you're probably better off using a term like "friend" or "neighbor" or even "traditional ally" to get your point across and avoid a lot of confusion.
Side note, I experience same sex attraction, but I don't identify with the LGBTQ community or use their labels, and it's largely because I think there's a lack on their part to actually gain common ground with the religious community in general. We can follow the example of Christ and always have our hand extended, but ultimately there has to be some effort to grab hold of that hand.
Jeremy
Friday 9th of December 2022
And that may be the case, but I want to hope we can still save words. But if not, then the phrase "True Friend" is what I would swap it to. (It is important to note, I wrote this over 3 years ago, and things have radically gotten worse as far terms changing and what is being pushed.
Kate
Saturday 27th of March 2021
I think it's important to realize we all struggle with something. May not be the same struggles. There's so much on television and movies making things look appetizing along with social media. I don't have same sex attraction, but I do have other struggles. We can come together with our different struggles and still love each other.
Elaine
Friday 31st of July 2020
We can love our brothers and sisters, including LGBTQ persons. How often do we "love" new converts to Christ? However, we do not love them to the degree that we ignore the Christs Gospels. If members had not been steadfast intheir beliefs about sin, I would not have had the opportunity to repent and be truely born again. My opposit sex attraction has been a problem for me. If my brothers and sisters did not love me with a firm face toward Christ, I may never have turned to face Christ to see the difference between love and lust, and been able to repent. Lust is a very strong deciever. Thankfully no one felt an emotionally based sympathy for my position or I would have recieved that as condoning my imperfect state. It doesn't help to play along with the fantasy that Christ cannot change "my" affliction as though I am supposed to carry it into eternity. True love changes the person. Christ's individuallized love changed people, that is part of the great message. Christ's general love for sinner's was to forgive them and ask Father for mercy, which He accomplished. Father and Christ are in perfect order. They uphold the law and respect the permance of the law and abandond not the law as they spead their unwavering love and mercy to bring wayward children home to righteous. There is no such thing as unconditional love. All love has conditions including Father's love for us by condition of His only begotton son. Including Jesus's love on condition of his surrender to Father's will not his own. If I am unconditionally loved it is the same as putting a millstone around my neck, because I am led to believe that my will as holy as Christ's and that I can continue to do that which is right in my own eyes an think myself righteous. It has been my brother and sisters steadfast love that has directed me to Christ's merciful love and doctrine of repentence. I Thank God because wickedness never was happiness, I just didn't see the truth. Freedom from the bondage of sin is beautiful and only comes from choosing to believe on the eternal all-encompassing and healing love of Christ. No matter how deeply you feel about unconditionalism, do not feed me from a soulish interpretation of Love, rather feed me the unconditional Word of God and show me forgiveness for my "attractions" while I learn to mature in Father's truth and working of a change in my spirit/heart. I need to be saved from myself ansd my sins no matter how decieved by them I am.
Jeremy
Wednesday 12th of August 2020
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I would disagree with your take on unconditional love. We are loved by God because we are His children. That love does not excuse our actions, but it is all surrounding and penetrating. It is that love that motivates the Godhead to work for our salvation.