5 Signs They Are The Right One For You.
5 Signs They Are The Right One For You.
When you are dating someone often you start to wonder, could this be the one? Everyone has a list either written or unwritten. However, we should have realistic expectations and realize that we marry potential and not perfection. So how do you know if they are the right one? Here are five signs that they are the right one for you!
1. They Put In Effort.
If marriage is meant to be a two-way partnership, then dating needs to be a two-way road as well. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are putting in all, or almost all of the effort it is a red flag that the other person is either not right, or not ready.
One of the best pieces of dating advice I have ever been given was by my sister Paige. I was chasing a girl that I liked and Paige asked me, "Does this girl put in any effort?" She then continued "When you find the right girl, she will put in as much effort to making it work as you do. If she is not putting in the effort she is not the one." I did not want to hear that because this girl was not putting in any effort. Eventually, the relationship fizzled out and I realized Paige was right. For a relationship to last, both people must be fully invested.
When you find the right one they will recognize what you are worth the effort. You will both sacrifice and both be willing to pay any price to be together. When you find the person that you are willing to do that for and who is willing to do it for you, then you've found the one.
"Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort."
President Russell M. Nelson
2. They Put God First, But Put You Second.
This one is huge. Most people think that they need to put their spouse first, but God really needs to be number one. This will ground them to their core principles of honesty, faith, sacrifice, forgiveness, and most of all their commitment to keeping their promises. You not only need to find someone who puts God first but also someone who will not begrudge you for putting God ahead of them. In all things, our covenants to God must come first. Ask yourself, if I was to die, would they raise my family in the faith? A big secret in successful marriages is something called the marriage triangle, God is at the top and husband and wife are at the bottom corners. As a husband and wife draw closer to God they actually draw closer to their spouse. Happy couples put God first.
The Marriage Triangle
After God, your spouse should be a solid #2. No one and nothing else, other than God, should come before your spouse. Too many Millennials are selfish, they put themselves before others, and even before God. This attitude will destroy any relationship. Lasting marriages have men and women who have put God first, but their spouse in front of themselves. They forgive each other, they serve, love, and desire to make their spouse feel happy and loved. So when you find the one who puts God first and you second, you've found the right one.
“Believe that your faith has everything to do with your romance, because it does. You separate dating from discipleship at your peril.”
Jeffrey R. Holland.
3. They Love You Right Now.
Your future spouse should inspire you to be more than you are. But they should be completely in love with you as you are. Not a future you that has lost those 15 lbs, not you without your nerdism, but the you that you are currently. One of the biggest mistakes single people make is thinking that they need change the elusive 'something' to find the right one. I can't tell you how many guys go to the gym to get a body to find a girl. Seriously, people, if they would not give you the time of day because you can stand to lose 15 lbs, then they are not the right one!
It reminds me of the scene in How to Train your Dragon where Hiccup is talking with his dad who says he needs to change and then just points at Hiccup. Who then replies, "You just gestured to all of me." to which his dad replies, "deal?" Later in the movie, his dad says, "Turns out all we needed was a little more of..." as he points at hiccup.
Your future spouse will love you, all of you! No stipulations. Yes, they should inspire you to be better a better person, but they will never require it. They will accept and love you with all of your nerdisms and your quirks. They will love you for who you are, right now. Their love is not based on how you look, but who you are. They will love you as you grow and change over time. When you have found someone who loves you like that, you've found the one.
“Choose your love; love your choice.”
Thomas S. Monson
4. They Make Time For You.
One of the biggest lies we tell in dating is when someone asks you on a date and you reply "I am too busy." This is a lie both to them and to you. They are not too busy for a date, but only a date with that person. If the person of their dreams called asking them on a date they would clear their schedule for them. The truth is that everyone is busy. However, they always make time for the things and people they care about. If they are unwilling to make time for you, they are saying they don't care. As my sister, Jennifer once said, "Nothing is ruder than not giving someone the time of day."
On the flip side, you have the person who makes time for you. Sure they are busy, they have obligations they need to fulfill, work, school, church, etc. But they find a way to make time for the people they care about. The truth is there are a lot of activities we do that if you wanted to make time for another person you could do it with them. You could cook dinner together, study together, go shopping together. If they make time for you, you've found the right one.
“love is really spelled t-i-m-e.”
Dieter F. Uchtdorf
5. They Encourage And Enable You to Dream Big!
Everyone has dreams. Pursuing a dream is a scary thing that requires the support of those around you. No one will be a bigger support than your future spouse. Finding someone who not only encourages you but also enables you to live your dream is vital. I learned this when my oldest sister was dating her now husband. When things got serious he told her, "I am ready to give up my art for you." Confused, she asked him what was talking about? He explained that his parents told him that when he finally found a girl he loved he would have to give up his art and get a 'normal job' for her. She replied, "I would never let you give up art."
You've found the right one when you are willing to give up everything for them, but they would never let you do it. They see your dreams and realize that it is the essence of who you are. They are willing to sacrifice to help you reach your aspirations, and therefore enabling you to live your dream.
“You have always given me wings to fly, and I have loved you for it.”
Marjorie Pay Hinckley to President Gordon B. Hinckley.
IF you like this article you will LOVE this article about dating.
I really needed this. I don't know why but i have felt confused about a number of things and this helped in so many ways!!! I am not currently in the situation of going into marriage but i have been thinking about it a lot lately and this was perfectly timed!! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom to someone who needed to hear them at the right time.
I am happy I was able to help you Jessica! Feel free to share this with your friends.
Having been through LDS single adulthood in my 40s, I can't agree more with one minor tweak. When dating a single parent, he or she has a delicate balance to putting their kids before you. You aren't a spouse if you are dating. As it gets serious, you need to know that as a spouse, you will be put first, but also understand that constant juggling act parents do to meet their own, their spouse, and their children's needs. Run away if the children always come first, but be patient, too. Children take work, but offer so much love and joy.
I wish the girls at BYU would read this especially when it comes to being asked out. My son who is smart, good looking finds that many of the girls are dishonest when it comes to being asked out. Many just wait intill it is almost time to pick them up and at the very last minute they cancel because they are to busy when in reality they found a better date. It's frustrating to the point that many guys just "give up asking". No offense but I was taught different. If you made plans with someone, you do the honorable thing and go out with the one who asked you out first.
Janne, I could share horror stories. 10 No's in a single week. #ProvoLife is hard.
My sisters and I attended a single's ward together for a few years (until I "graduated out" by turning 30. There were several times when I asked a girl in the ward out - only to be told that they were just so busy, or what ever the reason was. Then, my sisters would come home from church sharing with us all at family dinner how the sisters in the Relief Society were complaining about how that NO ONE ever asked them out. I asked who in particular was complaining - one of the biggest complainers happened the be the girl I had asked out the week before. I got the impression many of them were waiting for Brad Pitt to join the church so they could date him.
This was my experience too Elmer, many who complain that "no one asks them out" would more accurately say, "The guy I want does not ask me out."
Thank you so much...you made an answers to my prayer.
Thanks God that BYU is just a tiny little thing!!
Y
There is more in life than Utah as a whole, no offense but that bubble had never been attractive to me.
We should all teach our children to be more independence and not relying on this kind of environment which am sure is good but not fit to everyone , life is fantastic, try Europe for start!!
I wish I had something like this when I was dating. If a guy has habitual excuses why he can’t do something for you, run. If he tells you that you need to give up what you want to do (in career/life) to help him & not doing so shows you’re not a loving spouse please know that that is wrong. Both should be helping one another fulfill their dreams.
Excellent
Thanks alot for the wise advice,we appreciate it so much.
Excellent article! I agree with it overall. #1 is spot-on, and awareness of it can save a lot of grief, heartache and wasted time. I think #5 describes the difference between "the one" and "THE one". Also worth noting that we all have our agency and marrying "the right one" is like a snapshot vs an epic movie series. Hence my belief that there are likely more than one or two (many more?) with whom you could start that perfect marriage. Whether both partners can and will indefinitely do their parts to keep it is another thing. Some observations on other points...
#2 I believe that putting God first can also be expressed as putting my relationship with God first. Which might seem like putting myself first, which would be contrary to point #2. I like the triangle model, but think these concepts can be clearer if you think of it in terms of the salvation of yourself and others; what are the correct priorities for who YOU are responsible for saving? Obviously God does not need your help, so next (your relationship with God, i.e., your own salvation) would be YOU, yourself. Followed by your spouse, and then followed by your children, and then followed by everyone else. In event of an emergency, put on your own mask before attempting to help others. A good friend recently helped me see this more clearly (details on request).
#3 The idea of "love you right now" and "completely in love with you as you are" assumes that you already know each other extremely well. I don't really believe in "love at first sight" and that's probably not what the point is suggesting. Maybe this point just doesn't apply until a relationship has reached the point where being in love is fully possible; the "Right Now" part would only be possible long after dating begins. And I think it is equally important not to "fall in love" with someone prematurely because you are likely "falling in love" with some idealized version of them that you created in your own mind, filling in the gaps of your knowledge about them with fantasy or some of your own attributes instead of theirs.
I agree with the point that it is a big mistake to "love" some future version of a person that might not ever exist, or for some change that eventually does not last. I like to think of the process as "growing in love" more than "falling" because falling implies an accident that you had no control over, vs growing which is something that requires nurturing, time and some conscious effort from both partners. It also means working at "keeping pace" with your partner; not rushing past where they are ready and available to be, but also not sitting idle and passively waiting around hoping that someone else will magically make it all happen for you. The article talks about this as making a choice; not ceding your agency to someone else's choices. The motivation for that effort? That initial attraction to someone AS THEY ARE NOW, to the extent that you know anything about them.
#4 "I am too busy" implies zero interest. On the other hand, "I am too busy that day but would love to go another day, maybe Friday" is specific enough to be meaningful in a good way. Not like "let's do lunch *sometime*."
I thought the list was a pretty good one - with the five points and all.
Over the years I have known several couples, who, seemed totally in love and perfect for each other and litterally, within 6 months, the marriage was over. (As I was still single at the time, I was always curious as to what happened).
The only common threat I could detect was that many of them seemed more in love with the idea of being in love than they were probably devoted to each other. In one case, they literrally spent 6 months planning the perfect wedding, but I suspect they spent little time planning the perfect marriage.
I totally appreciate this points because it has helped me better analyse my relationship,am certain its for good.