The War On Men Inside And Outside The Church

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There is a war raging right now. The war started in the pre-mortal realms and continues on earth. It is a multi-pronged war against God and his children. It seeks to destabilize and discourage families, it seeks to change the meaning of feminism by discouraging motherhood, it seeks to emasculate men and thereby destroy the future fathers that our families need so desperately. The war on men is just a single prong of Satan’s offensive. Sadly this war wages both inside and outside the church. This is a war we must redouble our efforts to win.

The War On Men Outside The Church.

In the era of #MeToo, the war on men has reached its apex. Yes, vile actions are being exposed by the #MeToo movement, but in the middle of it, there are also countless casualties as we rush to conclusions, ignore due process and push the notion of unequivocally believing all women and toxic masculinity. It is a scary world to be a boy growing up. You can do everything right and still have your life destroyed unless you can prove yourself innocent.

But the war on men started long before the #MeToo movement, for decades the media and our culture have depicted fathers in movies and on TV as inept, lazy, and less intelligent than women. Our culture that speaks so much of toxic masculinity, yet it is actually teaching on a daily basis that being a man is bad. Gone are the days of the Andy Griffith show where the media took the time to show boys how to be men; instead we have the media showing repeatedly that dads that are awful role models; shows like family guy, the Simpsons, or The Bachelor parade around men that are deadbeats, inept or immoral! Ironic that the only display of manhood in the media is the toxic masculinity they decry!

In an era where almost 25 percent of children live in a single-parent home, and most (23%) are by single mothers. With so many children lacking role models, we need is more Andy Griffiths and less Homer Simpsons and Peter Griffins. The issue is not that we have too much masculinity, the issue is that we don’t have enough! We have faux masculinity being paraded around which causes boys not to become men and women to loathe guys. We need more masculine role models and not less.

The War On Single Men Inside The Church.

But lest you think the war on men is isolated to outside the Church, as a single guy, I must inform you that it is also an issue within the church culture. Within the church culture, the war is waged mainly on the single men. It is a bit ironic that in a church that has such a desperate need for worthy priesthood holders, especially single priesthood holders who want to get married, (considering that 60%+ of all sisters in the church are single and we don’t have enough worthy men to take them to the temple), one would think that our retention efforts would be geared toward men. But instead, we have a pandemic of single men going inactive. Especially early returning RM’s. Our culture treats them far harder than Sisters who come home early.

Our culture can be ruthless when it comes to single brothers, they are constantly being rebuked for not being enough. They get jokes about becoming menaces to society, and countless priesthood lessons and the never-ending guilt-trips from leaders, family, and friends. I remember talking to one of my good friends, an RM who was a member of my ward council, as we talked I found out he was on the verge of leaving the church, he explained he was sick of never being enough. No matter how hard he tried dating did not work out,  and everyone from his parents to his leaders constantly nagged him about it. He felt broken. Luckily my friend hung on and is now happily married, so many others barely holding on. So many have given up. I personally know dozens of good young men who have given up because they could not deal with what felt like persecution any longer.

To all those holding on to only a glimmer of hope, and goodness knows I’ve had my fair share of days where I was just barely holding on, I want to echo my Stake President told me. I vividly remember President David Haden talking with me right before I moved out of the Orem 3rd YSA Stake, he wanted to make sure I knew I was loved and enough.  He told me that he knew I had a testimony and was honoring my priesthood. He told me that the scriptures teach there is a time and season for all things and if it was not my season for marriage that I just needed to hold on to my testimony and I would make it.  He explained that just as important as marrying the right person in the right place, is marring them at the right time. That meant the world, I was not judged for my marital status, but rather my efforts and desires he gave me a big hug and left an impression no lesson will equal.  (If you are struggling to hold on as a single in the church, read 6 things every single needs to remember!)

President Haden took a different course than so many others He took a course we must emulate if we wish to stem the tide of young men leaving the church. He loved us, each one of the YSA brothers he interacted with knew without a doubt that he loved them.  He was a truly a man that everyone in the stake could see and wanted to grow up and be like.

The War On The Family.

Both the war on men and the war on the family lead to the same results. Decreases in marriageable men, therefore fewer marriages, and fewer marriages lead to fewer children being born in the covenant! Make no mistake about it, the war on men is really a war on the family. Another of Satan’s multi-pronged war on the family is his full-blown assault on true feminism since the 1970s. Pushing our culture towards radicalized feminism, his war on women and motherhood is just as evil and damaging as his war on men.

As spirit sons and daughters of Heavenly Parents, we sometimes forget that our Heavenly Parents are the best examples of femininity and masculinity. What manner of man yet we to be? Even as they are. The crux of the problem is that the terms and attributes of femininity and masculinity are being hijacked and redefined in the war against God. Because make no mistake about it, the war on men is a war on God.

It Is Time To Re-Enthrone Femininity and Masculinity

The world seeks to emasculate men and teaches that motherhood is beneath women, we are left to ask, “What can be done?” The answer is simple: We are to re-enthrone true femininity and masculinity by refocusing on the true role models we have. The prophets and apostles and their wives. The heroes and heroines in the scriptures, the leaders in our wards, our earthly parents, and our Heavenly Parents! These people should be our role models rather than ignorant athletes, arrogant actors, and immoral characters in the movies and on TV.

Once again, we can turn to The Family: A Proclamation to the World: “By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.”

Real masculinity is being a worthy priesthood holder, a righteous husband, and a loving father. It is treating everyone right, it is being honest, kind, true, and loyal. True masculinity spelled Fatherhood! Just as true femininity is spelled Motherhood. (Click here for an article I’ve written about Feminism and Motherhood)