Everyone wants someone that they can love with their whole heart who will love them back. But to find that person we must walk the road of dating. A growing problem in the Church is that Young Single Adults are not getting married, one of the problems is that many YSA’s are sabotaging their own dating experience. How? Well, here are 5 ways!
Thinking, “they’re out of my league.”
When I got back from my mission I did not ask any girls on dates for the first 9 months, I either thought they were out of my league or they had a boyfriend. After being home for about a year I realized something, regret was worse than rejection! I decided to always ask a girl I found awesome on a date. Most of the time I get rejected, but I would rather be rejected or be told: “I have a boyfriend” than wonder if I had missed a chance and live with that regret!
I can’t tell you how many guys I know have not asked the girl they think is amazing on a date because they think she would never give them a chance or that she has a boyfriend. If you like someone, ask them on a date! Worse case is you get told no. The sad part is how often these girls who are amazing don’t get asked on any dates because all of the guys just assume she has a boyfriend or is out of their league. Just ask them on a date!
“Be where you can meet the right kind of friends. And go on dates. Hanging out is not the way, nor is it enough! Courting seems to be a lost art. Rediscover it. It really works!”
~M. Russell Ballard
Getting too physical.
Getting too physical is a widespread mistake that Young Single Adults make. The pressure for guys to get physical ASAP is insane! I’ve been told, “If you have not kissed her by the second date you’re basically friend-zoning her.” We are told that girls are attracted to physical touch and if you don’t get physical they will never be attracted to you. Which leads many guys to get too physical too fast. Remember the guidelines outlined by the Prophet.
“Never do anything that could lead to sexual transgression. Treat others with respect, not as objects used to satisfy lustful and selfish desires.” For The Strength Of Youth Page 36
Being physical is not bad if it leads to respect and love. It is bad when it is selfish and leads to lust. When a man acts like a man, holds a girls hand or gives her a goodnight kiss a real relationship is being built. When they make out to satisfy their lustful desires they are building their relationship upon a sandy foundation, that can quickly lead to heartache.
“In dating, treat your date with respect, and expect your date to show that same respect for you. Tears inevitably follow transgression. Men, take care not to make women weep, for God counts their tears.” ~Thomas S. Monson
Overthinking it.
Seriously, stop overthinking dating. Guys, we think differently than girls. Girls, you think different than us guys, that’s just the way it is. Half of the pain of dating is self-inflicted pain from overthinking things. We torture ourselves by reading into things that mean nothing, and talking ourselves in and talking ourselves out of everything.
If you sit there spending hours trying to word the text so you don’t come across as “too interested” you are doing wrong! Do you really think the fate of your relationship will rest on one text? Stop worrying about it and be yourself! If dating her is this stressful can you imagine spending eternity with her?
Maybe the reason she liked your picture on Instagram is that…she actually likes the picture! When a girl ends her text with a 🙂 that just maybe her style. And when a guy asks you on a date or holds a door open for you, don’t think he wants to marry you. Stop overthinking and over complicating dating! Laugh a little, have some fun and remember, that it will work out in the end.
Being an unwise steward.
God made your body, it is unique and beautiful it is a temple! But, our bodies just like a Temple need to be maintained to maintain it’s beauty. The Church spends millions to maintain the Temples around the world, to cut the grass, weed the flowerbeds and to maintain water fixtures, why? Because it is a Temple!
Our bodies are also temples, do we put as much effort into maintaining our bodies as the church does the Temples? Do you eat healthily, work out, and maintain a proper sleep schedule? Whereas we know and avoid the big “no’s” of Coffee, Tea, Alcohol and Tabacco how diligent are we at keeping up with the daily maintenance of our temple?
“Feeding the spirit while neglecting the body, which is a temple, usually leads to spiritual dissonance and lowered self-esteem. If you are out of shape, if you are uncomfortable in your own body and can do something about it, then do it!”
Elder Jörg Klebingat
Being Dishonest.
Honesty is the bedrock principle of any lasting relationship, including our relationship with God. We have covenanted with God, to be honest in our dealings with our fellow men. Everyone keeps their covenants when it is easy, but it is not easy to tell the truth in dating, we are tempted to be dishonest in two ways. With our words, and with our actions.
We are dishonest with our words when we tell a lie to get out of an awkward situation, we often rationalize a lie by thinking”I don’t want to hurt them.” An example is when someone asks you on the date and the truth is “I don’t want to go on a date” but you say “I am busy” because you think it is nicer than telling them the truth. Remember your covenants and treat your fellow men with respect by being honest. The truth may hurt but only the truth will lead to happiness.
We are also tempted to be dishonest by putting up a facade, there is nothing wrong with putting forward your best foot, but all too often we try to become someone else completely during dating. When we try to “act” like someone or something that we are not it is dishonest and illogical. Immagine that guy does decide he likes you because you are “acting” how your best friend told you to, how will it end? How do you expect it to turn out? There are only two ways. He finds out that is all fake and dumps you, or you have a breakdown because you are being someone else and you realize he fell in love with your best friend that you are acting like.
“Honesty is not only the best policy, it is the only policy!”
David B. Haight
If you liked this, you will love these Dating Tips from the Prophet and Apostles!
Or 6 ways to fix the Mormon dating game.
JC
Thursday 6th of August 2020
RE: Being an unwise steward.
I appreciate you addressing the men as well as the women here. As a woman, I've gotten very tired of being lectured by male church leaders and single adult men about how hard I have to work to be/look physically perfect and keep a man satisfied, while the men are given a free pass. It's a total double standard that has set a bad precedent among single adults.
When women - but not men - are being lectured about their fitness and attractiveness levels, it results in men who fail to care for themselves - we're talking morbidly obese, bad skin, balding, questionable hygiene at best, unemployed, highest level of education being their GED men - holding women to impossible standards and saying that women who don't look like supermodels have let themselves go.
Women are wired to desire physical attractiveness in their partners as well. We take care of ourselves and it's very aggravating to be lectured about this, and to be told we need to stop being less shallow when the men aren't told that they need to groom themselves and take care of their bodies in the same way. I take care of myself, but have found myself completely tuning out male leaders and single men the minute they start lecturing women about this topic.
The next time church leaders feel the need to address this subject, they would be wise to include the men too.
Elmer Jorgensen
Monday 14th of October 2019
I might add to this the tendency many have a looking for the wrong things.
I dated, or at least tried to date (back in the day) many girls who were waiting for their favorite movie star to join the church so they could live happily ever after. And guys were looking for the same type of thing -- plastic models with perfect body proportions and a plush bank account.
I determined early on that I didn't want to marry someone I had to keep inside a glass case so that they didn't spoil. I wanted someone who would be my friend and "helpmeet" and not my trophy.